Tips for Parents & Guardians

Self-Awareness: Your child should be able to use words like sad or happy to talk about their feelings. Your child should also start to explain why your child feels sad or happy in specific cases. For example, your child may be able to tell you that going to preschool or visiting friends and family makes their feel happy.

At the ages of three and four, your child is likely to increase the words she uses to describe her feelings. She also has likes and dislikes, and her own unique personality. Your child is learning more about herself, and part of building that self-awareness is learning her strengths and weaknesses as well.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Let your kids know their feelings are important

It can be tempting to tell your child to “stop overreacting” or “stop getting upset” when they get frustrated over something that seems small to you -- like struggling with a toy or puzzle. Treating your child’s feelings like they’re not important can make them feel bad about their emotions or their reactions. Instead, validate their feelings by saying something like, “It can be frustrating when that toy falls apart, can’t it? I get frustrated sometimes too. Let’s see if we can fix it together.” This will help your child learn that their feelings matter and that you’re there to help.

Take some time to talk about how you are feeling during the day

Find opportunities to reflect on your day and describe how you felt to your child. It could be while you’re brushing your teeth, or tucking your child in at night. Perhaps you were happy when an old friend sent an email, or upset by a customer at work. Using time to reflect and explain to your child your thoughts and actions allows your child to see how other people feel as well.

Teach your child it's O.K. to ask for help

Part of self-awareness is knowing your challenges, and asking for help when it’s needed is showing self-awareness. Tell your child, “If you need help, say, ‘Help,’ and I’ll be there to jump in,” but until your child asks, try to stand back. The lesson is in struggling and understanding when to seek assistance.

Social Awareness: During the pre-kindergarten years, children are learning very quickly. While children at this age may have short attention spans, they often learn best by being read to, playing pretend, and observing others, especially you. By setting a strong example, you can show your child how to be socially and emotionally intelligent.

Preschoolers are learning how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language. As your child interacts with their classmates and teachers, they are gaining a better sense of other people’s emotions, perspectives, and behaviors.

During this phase, your child is learning that others have different points of view and that these differences may have consequences in their interactions. They are also gaining a better understanding of the social norms of behavior, like staying quiet during storytime or lining up with the other students during lunchtime. Young children need a lot of reminders on the road to becoming socially aware, so don’t expect to see your child displaying much of this skill on their own.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Try role-playing with your child

Begin by naming feelings like happy, sad, or tired, and take turns with your child acting them out and guessing what emotion is being shown. Choose a new feeling (such as angry), and ask your child to think about someone who is angry and what might make them feel that way. Ask how your child can tell when someone is angry. If your child does not seem to know, point out the facial expressions or postures that denote anger (as well as other feelings you might choose).

Use storytime to develop your child's social awareness

You can read books like "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," by Judith Viorst, with your child. As you go through the story, stop and point out the feelings or reactions of the characters and ask your child how they would feel or what they would do if they were in a similar situation. Ask how the actions of the characters in the books made others feel, and have them act out those emotions. It is very important to use the illustrations in the books to develop your child’s social awareness. High-quality children’s books tend to have very expressive illustrations, like the drawings in author Mo Willem’s "Elephant and Piggie" books.

Talk to your child about real-life social interactions

Highlight a conversation you had with a friend, family member, or clerk at the supermarket that happened while your child was present. Ask them to describe the words, body language, and facial expressions that were exchanged. Ask what your child thought the other person felt at the end of the conversation, and ask them to use their stuffed animals to show you what your child would have done in that situation. Have a few cues that remind your child of what behavior is best for a situation. For example, if they are going with the family to a wedding, remind them that it is a place for their “inside” or “library” voice even if it is outdoors.

Ask your child about the behavior and feelings of pets

Talk to your child about empathy by asking how a pet might be feeling. For example, you can ask how the family dog may be feeling after not getting a treat or when they are reprimanded for jumping on the couch. It is also good to ask your child about the consequences of your pet’s unintentional actions and relate it to the unintentional actions of younger children who might take their toys or demand their attention.

Relationship Skills: During the pre-kindergarten years, children are learning very quickly. While children at this age may have short attention spans, they often learn best by being read to, playing pretend, and observing others, especially you. By setting a strong example, you can show your child how to be socially and emotionally intelligent.

At this age, your preschooler will likely move from parallel play, in which your child might be playing alongside or near a peer but not with them, to associative play, where two or more children are playing in the same space, and sharing some play items. Your child should then move on to cooperative or group play, where your child plays together with other children and needs to communicate, cooperate, take turns, wait, and share. Children progress differently through these stages, but by the time they enter preschool, they should be showing some signs of successful cooperative play.

When your child meets new people, they are learning how to interact with others and pay attention when they are speaking. As your child forges friendships, they are becoming better able to identify the relationships they have and the traits of a good friend.

Although your young child may have difficulty expressing empathy when a classmate invades their space or takes their toys, an older child’s social management skills should be more developed. Group projects and team activities help strengthen these skills, but remember that this is an ongoing process and it may take some time before your preschooler is consistently able to share and be polite.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Set a good example

Remember that you are setting the example that your child will follow, and if you are aware of your own behavior, you will be better prepared to help your child deal with his or her emotions, relationships, and interactions. When your child sees you being patient, kind, honest, and empathetic with him and others, but also speaking up for yourself when necessary, he is provided with a blueprint of proper social behavior. In particular, think about how you “play with others” when you are with your child. If you are with a group of other parents and you are all on your electronic devices, your child will see this as acceptable behavior. Let your child see you interacting with your peers in cooperative ways.

Teach your child the art of conversation

You are boosting your child’s relationship-building skills and providing her with lessons on how to listen and join in conversations through your verbal exchanges. Ask questions about things that matter to her and take a moment to really listen to the response. Pay attention to the nonverbal cues that you are modeling.

Talk to your child about friends

Try talking to him about his friends, and discuss his experiences with peers in a pleasant, conversational way. For example, you can ask him, “Did you make any new friends at school?” or “Did you share your toys with your friend Freddy today?” or “Why did you get upset with your sister? How do you think that made her feel?” Don’t expect a lot of great answers, but do look for gradual improvement in the connections of your questions and his answers, as well as the length of his answers.

Help your child manage conflict

It may be challenging for you not to step in immediately and try to make everything better for your child, but this can harm their ability to find solutions for themselves. Instead, work with your child to find a solution to problems they may be having. Watch how your child handles difficult moments with their peers and try to wait to step in until you see things might not be going well. Sometime shortly after, even at bedtime, help your child review those situations and work their way through a problem with your guidance. Ask questions about what your child thinks they could do in this situation if it happens again, and what the consequences of their particular action will be. You may also want to use puppets or stuffed animals to act out conflicts that your child may be having, like struggling to share a toy with a classmate, or knowing what to say when someone is mean to him or her on the playground.

Responsible Decision Making: At this age, your child should be able to make decisions based on your rules and values, like sharing with others and taking turns. Your child is also learning how to recognize decisions that hurt others, like yelling at siblings and friends. Your preschooler should be able to make decisions based on the options you give. For example, “Do you want to wear pants or a skirt today?”

Your child must weigh the impact of their choice on both themself and others. It is through making choices that he or she learns about hurting or helping others, and gains important relationship and problem-solving skills. Will she share a new toy with a friend? Or will he keep it all to himself? Preschool often marks a time when children are transitioning to a formal school setting, and in doing so, they are starting to make decisions based on their own interests.

When your child is this age, it is up to you to manage the choices he or she makes while also giving them the freedom to make their own choices. For example, “Do you want cereal or eggs for breakfast” is a better way to give small children a choice than an open-ended, “What do you want for breakfast?”

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Allow kids to make some choices on their own

As a parent, it may be tempting to step in and make all of the decisions for your child, but this doesn’t allow them to grow their decision-making skills. Instead, at this young age, allow them to make simple choices where you set the boundaries. For example, asking, “Do you want carrots or broccoli with dinner tonight?” instead of, “What vegetable do you want?” makes the decision easier on both of you. You’re allowing a choice, but both choices are good.

Teach your child where to seek help

Knowing whom to go to for help can also be a part of responsible decision-making. Even at this age, you can teach your child about the adults in their life to whom your child can turn. When you’re out with your child, take a little time to point out the “helper adults” in the area. For example, a security officer at the mall or a police station near your local park. Tell your child that if you ever get separated in these areas your child can go here for help.

Self Awareness: Your child should be able to identify basic emotions like sadness, happiness, and fear. Your child will also be able to begin to describe and understand what causes these emotions. For example, if a sibling or friend doesn’t share a favorite toy or game, your child should be able to explain why this scenario caused him or her to feel mad. As self-awareness develops, they will be able to distinguish between subtle emotions and evaluate their causes and consequences. At this age, your child should also be able to identify what he or she likes and dislikes, such as games to play and subjects that interest her, like English or art.

At this young age, your child may have a hard time saying exactly what he or she is feeling. She may be upset without quite having the vocabulary or the self-awareness to fully explain her emotions.For example, she may know what it feels like to be mad or sad, but not angry, embarrassed, ashamed, or disappointed. Or he may feel sad, but not know why. For younger children, this frustration can lead to crying or temper tantrums, and even physical aggression. That frustration comes from not yet having the proper way to express their emotions. As your child develops self-awareness, she will learn to manage her behavior.

Another part of self-awareness is your child’s ability to recognize his strengths and challenges, and to identify areas where he excels. At this age, these can be simple activities like riding a bike, coloring, counting to 10, or being a helper around the house by setting the table. If your child needs help with any of the examples above, asking for help is also part of self-awareness.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child what feelings look like

Get a poster, or draw one with your child, of faces with different emotions. Ask your child to identify one of the emotions on the poster and ask when he or she last felt this way and why. Ask how they're feeling now and why. This will increase their vocabulary while also helping them more accurately identify their emotions.

Help your child identify the feelings of others

Take opportunities every day to help your child identify the feelings of others. How does their face look when they feel a certain way? Pointing out emotions in others is a good way to help your child begin to understand those feelings in herself. Teacher Clare Morrison suggests also asking, “Show me what happy looks like for you,” and, “What does sad look like to you?” By making a facial expression, your child is better able to connect the emotion to their own body language.

Point out feelings using family pictures

Many young children like to look at family photos. Take the opportunity to talk about emotions that family members are feeling. For example, wedding photos will be filled with happy people. Point out their smiles and their expressions. This could be a good opportunity to point out that someone who is crying isn’t always sad. In some cases, it can mean someone is very happy.

Talk about your child's emotions as she's having them

For example, if your child seems angry or frustrated, teacher Clare Morrison suggests saying, “I noticed your eyebrows are closer together and your arms are folded. Tell me how you’re feeling right now.” By prompting your child to talk about their feelings as they're having them, you can help them identify their own feelings. Try not to label their emotion for them by saying, “You look mad” or “You look sad.” Instead, let them give a name for the way they are feeling. This will help your child begin to connect their body language to an emotion.

Help your child recognize her strengths

When a child shows interest in an activity or topic, it is often because they have a strength related to it. One of the best ways to help your child understand and value their strengths is to encourage their ideas and interests. You can begin to do this by asking what your child likes or noting a topic your child talks a great deal about. Nurture their interest by finding related activities. For example, you can both take part in volunteering at an animal shelter if they're interested in cats. Whatever the activity, by encouraging your child’s interests, you are helping to define and enhance their strengths and build their confidence.

Self Management: In kindergarten, your child may be able to identify ways to calm themselves and ways to deal with emotions that are upsetting. Your child may also be able to stick to a routine, like getting ready for bed or getting ready for school, and be able to recognize the steps it takes for those routines to be complete. Your child should also be able to wait their turn, whether they're in the classroom or playing with friends.

In these younger years, goals can simply be getting dressed in the morning without being told, cleaning up in the kitchen, picking up their toys and games, or reading a new book from beginning to end without help. Your child should also be able to set some goals, better-known at this age as wishes, and work toward them. For five- and six-year-olds, setting a goal can be as simple as following directions when helping to bake cookies; washing hands, mixing dough, rolling it into balls, and dunking the cookies in milk after they’ve baked and cooled. Another example of an age-appropriate goal is learning to ride a bike without training wheels.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Be an example of good self-management

Most parents have moments when they are upset. At these times, tell your family you need a small break to calm down. Take this time to think about how to come back to the situation in a positive manner. Your child will see you taking these steps to calm yourself and will be more likely to use this technique himself. You can also talk with your child as you calm yourself down. Former head of St. Louis-based New City School, Tom Hoerr suggests saying things like, “I’m going to take some deep breaths and count one, two, three.” One of the best ways you can teach your child about self-management is to model it yourself.

Identify a place or technique to help your child calm down

Pay attention to your child’s natural calming strategies. For example, your child might naturally look for comfort in a pillow or blanket, or your child might try to walk away from upsetting situations. Some children may feel better simply by making silly faces or noises until they calm down. Understanding your child’s natural tendencies for calming can help you encourage those behaviors at other times. You can also help identify a special place for him or her to calm down, and let them choose what to call the space. Some examples could be the “safe place” or the “peace corner.” Teaching your child that it is O.K. to take some time to collect themselves will allow them to take the initiative and do it on their own. It can be best to practice this before your child is upset so that they can return to the technique or space at times when they are upset.

Limit screen time

Try not to give your child a phone, tablet, or another electronic device every time you find yourselves waiting for a doctor’s appointment, picking up a sibling from school, or waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant. There’s value for your child in learning to control themselves in situations where they're not entertained.

Make routines into an art project

On a large piece of paper or dry-erase board, work with your child to outline getting ready for bed or school. You can cut pictures out of magazines, like toothbrushes or backpacks, to add to the paper. Map out what is done first and what is done last. Do you start with brushing teeth and then getting dressed? Clearly labeling what is expected of your child helps them act accordingly. Kids will likely need reminding and reinforcing at times, but showing them what is expected is a good place to start. If your child has difficulty with routines, try breaking them into smaller steps.

Try role-playing with your child

For example, play grocery store and have them pretend to be the cashier. As your child pretends, they are learning self-management by acting like the cashier. Instead of doing something your child might have a sudden urge to do, like pet the family dog, your child continues to scan your pretend groceries. That's learning self-management.

Social Awareness: During the early elementary years, children are learning how to communicate their needs and emotions verbally, and how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language. During the early part of this phase, your child is expanding their social circle and they are beginning to realize how their feelings and behaviors affect others. they are also discovering that others have different points of view and that these differences may affect their interactions.

As children gain a better sense of other people’s perspectives and behaviors, and start to understand that feelings play a major role in the nature of relationships, they are developing social awareness. At this early age, children are learning how to interact with others and how to recognize their feelings and needs, although they may not yet know how to apply empathy to all of their interactions. For instance, your child may not fully understand why a classmate gets upset when she takes a pencil away without asking for it. As your child grows and becomes more socially aware, he or she should be able to better identify how their actions make others feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss situations that occur in everyday life

Take a conversation you had with a friend, family member, or clerk at the supermarket that your child has witnessed and ask them to point out the language, body language, and facial expressions that were exchanged. You can also role-play with their stuffed animals or favorite toys to show what your child would have done in that situation. Even though your child was present when you had this exchange, it’s always a good idea to ask what your child thinks happened, how people felt, and how they could tell this, before you provide your own interpretation of the situation.

Play a game of "feelings charades"

A good way to teach your child about body language, emotions, and empathy is to have them play a game of “feelings charades.” You can use flashcards with different faces, or even write emotions or behaviors that hurt others on pieces of paper and let your child pick one out of a hat. Take turns acting out the way a person would be feeling with either the emotion that’s on the paper or the face that’s on the card. This will help start discussions on topics that a child this age might be reluctant to talk about otherwise.

Observe the behavior of pets

If you have pets, you can also use them to help teach your child about social awareness. A dog or a cat, for example, will behave in specific ways when it is feeling happy, angry, playful, or tired. Point out these behaviors to your child as they appear, and explain to them how these emotions are similar to those experienced by the people around them.

Teach your child about personal space

Be specific when you are talking about what’s appropriate and what’s not, and provide visual cues. For example, you can have them stretch out their arms and explain that this is their personal space and that your child should provide other children with that much space when interacting with them. Remind your child that when she gets too close to another person or touches them, they might react negatively. You can also use stuffed animals or action figures to act out what’s appropriate and what is not.

Relationship Skills: As your child begins to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation, they are learning how to use polite language to interact effectively with others, to pay attention when others are speaking, and to take turns and share with others. Group projects and team activities help further develop these skills, but remember that this is an ongoing process, and it may take some time before your child is consistently able to share and be polite.

Most children enhance their social management skills through their interactions and relationships with others, but parents can help them nurture these abilities. With the ever-expanding exposure to different cultures and people in today’s always-connected world, building relationship skills from an early age can set your child up for future success.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Your child learns a lot from you, so be a good example

Think about how you interact with your family and friends, and how you make and keep friends. Is your behavior setting a good example for your child? Are there certain relationships or areas that you can work on? Evaluating your own relationship skills is a crucial step in teaching your child about social management, and by being reflective, responsive, and supportive, you are helping to nurture your child’s sense of social and emotional well-being.

Cook with your child

Ask your child to help make their favorite dish by following your directions, one at a time. Make sure to say “please” and “thank you” and acknowledge all of their efforts. This will not only help them learn about the art of listening, but it also teaches them about the importance of being polite to others, especially while working on group projects.

Talk with your child about her day and interests

Don’t be satisfied with one-word answers. Often, parents have a lot on their plate and are happy to keep discussions brief, but children need practice in expressing themselves clearly and completely. Try to point out when your child says something that is thoughtful or when your child uses their language skills appropriately. For example, when your child says something kind about others, like, “Jorge was nice to me today because he shared his snacks with me,” or if your child poses a good question during your conversation, “Can I take some snacks to share with Molly tomorrow?” When your child asks something that is not related to what you are talking about or not clearly expressed, help them stay within the conversation.

Help your child find solutions to problems she may be experiencing

A helpful approach is to ask questions about what your child thinks they should do in any situation, and what the consequences of their particular solution will be. For example, if they are having a hard time with a classmate, you can say, “If your friend doesn’t want to play with you, you might want to ask them if you did anything to hurt their feelings. Do you think you should say sorry? If you say sorry, she might feel better. If your child did something to you, maybe you can ask them why he did that.” You may not be around to solve any difficulties that occur, and it is better to start helping your child build this essential skill when they are young and problems are less serious.

Talk to your child about friendships

Ask your child who their friends are, and then ask them about the qualities that your child looks for in a friend and how your child likes their friends to treat them. For example, ask her, “Why do you like to play with Jamal after school? What makes him a good friend?” Make sure to ask them about qualities that your child doesn’t like, and what makes them a good friend to others. For example, “Has Shannon ever said anything that made you feel sad?”

Responsible Decision Making: Your child likely doesn’t have their own decision-making skills down solid at this point, but your child should be able to identify simple rules of behavior like needing to buckle their seatbelt in the car, or how to sit with the family at dinner time without too much fuss. She should also be able to recognize when poor decisions, like saying hurtful comments to someone or telling a lie, can hurt other people.

One of the most basic rules parents often teach children at this young age is to not get in a car or go anywhere with strangers. Your child should know that rule and make good decisions based on it. Your child should also be able to share and take turns, regardless of whether your child wants to.

Responsible decision-making includes choices about personal behavior, but also about what society finds acceptable. In short, learning to make choices that are both good for yourself and others. That can be a tall task for an elementary school child. For kindergartners, making the transition from having a parent make all decisions to being in school and making decisions on her own can be challenging. Fortunately, many choices at this age are smaller choices and helping your child develop a sense of how to make good decisions can prepare her for more difficult decisions later on. Making decisions can help young children develop a sense of responsibility.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your kids that you'll always love and support them

Adults and children make bad choices at times, and supporting your child through hard decisions and poor choices shows you love them unconditionally. Of course, you want to point out that some choices are not acceptable, but if your child makes the same mistake again, make sure to reinforce you still love him or her. You can also help them make up for those mistakes. Did your child hurt a friend? Have them write an apology note and ask for forgiveness.

Give your child room to make decisions alone

Some decisions like which book to read at bedtime or whether your child wants carrots or sweet potatoes with dinner are not big choices for you, but allowing them the choice will make them feel more involved and give them more autonomy. Also, give them room to make decisions even if they don't make a choice you agree with, as long as the consequences don’t affect their health or safety. For example, if your child wants to take their allowance to school, let them make that choice. If your child ends up losing a few dollars or coins at recess, your child will likely feel bad about it and learn that it wasn’t a good idea. Letting children learn from their own mistakes is a great teaching opportunity that they will likely remember longer than if you had simply said “no” from the beginning.

Talk to your child about consequences

This can help give your child the tools they can use to make their own decisions in the future. Ask them questions like, “What do you think will happen if we don’t wear our coats outside today?” or, “If you don’t go to sleep on time, what do you think you’ll be like at school tomorrow?” or, “How do you think your sister will feel if you play with her favorite toy without asking?” Taking another person’s perspective enhances the quality of your child’s decision-making because, in order for your child to make the best decision, they must be able to understand how it will affect others. Learning that there are consequences for actions that affect your child and others is a good way to promote empathy and responsible decision-making.

Use bedtime stories to talk about responsible decisions

Books that center on characters that have to make decisions, like the "Berenstain Bears" series, are a great option. Pause when the characters get to the problem. Ask your child what he or she thinks the bears should do, and what your child thinks will happen. Talk about the problem as you’re reading, using terms like, “How would you solve this problem?” or, “What is the problem again?” and “What should Sister Bear do now?” This is a great opportunity to ask your child about the problems they have faced recently and how they were able to solve them.

Explain to your child that different rules apply in different settings

For example, inside or quiet voices need to be used in places like libraries and movie theaters, but cheering or loud yelling can be appropriate when watching sports or playing them. This allows your child to understand the differences in situations that can impact their decision-making.

Talk about a decision you are currently making

For example, you could focus on things like what you’re planning to buy at the grocery store. Talk through your plans for making dinners, what ingredients you think you’ll need, and why you’ll choose what you will. Why are you going to make tacos instead of pasta? What are the health implications of the items you’re buying and why do you choose them? Are you trying to make sure everyone in the family has something they like to eat this week? Maybe you’ve decided to make pancakes for dinner one night for a change of pace, or you’re planning to put broccoli in the mac and cheese to get a vegetable into the mix. This gives an opportunity for your child to see the decision-making process in action and understand that even simple decisions like what brand of tomato sauce to buy have reasoning behind them. Alternatively, you may make a choice that doesn’t have reasoning behind it, like choosing a sweet potato over a plain potato. Letting your child see that some decisions can’t be explained will be a comfort at this young age when your child is likely unable to give a reason behind most of their decisions.

At this young age, your child may have a hard time saying exactly what they are feeling. They may be upset without quite having the vocabulary or the self-awareness to fully explain their emotions. Self-awareness is the ability to accurately recognize feelings and understand how they relate to behavior. For example, they may know what it feels like to be mad or sad, but not angry, embarrassed, ashamed, or disappointed. Or they may feel sad, but not know why. For younger children, this frustration can lead to crying or temper tantrums, and even physical aggression. That frustration comes from not yet having the proper way to express their emotions. As your child develops their self-awareness, they will learn to manage their behavior. Another part of self-awareness is your child’s ability to recognize their strengths and challenges, and to identify areas where they excel. At this age, these can be simple activities like riding a bike, coloring, counting to ten, or being a helper around the house by setting the table. If your child needs help with any of the examples above, asking for help is also part of self-awareness.

Your child should be able to identify basic emotions like sadness, happiness, and fear. Your child should be able to begin to describe and understand what causes these emotions. For example, if a sibling or friend doesn’t share a favorite toy or game, your child should be able to explain why this scenario made them feel mad. As your child’s self-awareness develops, your child will be able to distinguish between subtle emotions and evaluate their causes and consequences.

At this age, your child should also be able to identify what your child likes and dislikes, such as games your child likes to play and subjects that interest her, like English or art.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child what feelings look like

Get a poster, or draw one with your child, of faces with different emotions. Ask your child to identify one of the emotions on the poster and when your child last felt this way and why. Ask them how they're feeling now and why your child feels that way. This will increase their vocabulary while also helping them more accurately identify their emotions.

Help your child identify the feelings of others

Take opportunities every day to help your child identify the feelings of others. How does their face look when your child feels that way? Pointing out emotions in others is a good way to help your child begin to understand those feelings in herself. Teacher Clare Morrison suggests also asking, “Show me what happy looks like for you,” and, “What does sad look like to you?” By making a facial expression, your child is better able to connect the emotion to their own body language.

Point out feelings using family pictures

Many young children like to look at family photos. Take the opportunity to talk about emotions that family members are feeling. For example, wedding photos will be filled with happy people. Point out their smiles and their expressions. This could be a good opportunity to point out that someone who is crying isn’t always sad. In some cases, it can mean someone is very happy.

Talk about your child's emotions as she's having them

For example, if your child seems angry or frustrated, teacher Clare Morrison suggests saying, “I noticed your eyebrows are closer together and your arms are folded. Tell me how you’re feeling right now.” By prompting your child to talk about their feelings as they're having them, you can help them identify their feelings. Try not to label their emotion for them by saying, “You look mad” or “You look sad.” Instead, let them give a name for the way they are feeling as your child begins to connect their body language to an emotion.

Help your child recognize her strengths

When a child shows interest in an activity or topic, it is often because they have a strength related to it. One of the best ways to help your child understand and value their strengths is to encourage their ideas and interests. You can begin to do this by asking what your child likes or noting a topic your child talks a great deal about. Nurture their interest by finding related activities. For example, you can both take part in volunteering at an animal shelter if they're interested in cats. Whatever the activity may be, by encouraging your child’s interests, you are helping to define and enhance their strengths and build their confidence.

In these early elementary years, your child may be able to identify ways they can calm themselves and ways to deal with emotions that are upsetting. They may also be able to stick to a routine, like getting ready for bed or getting ready for school, and be able to recognize the steps it takes for those routines to be complete. They should also be able to wait their turn, whether they're in the classroom or playing with friends.

Your child should also be able to set some goals, better-known at this age as wishes, and work toward them. For example, if they're in the seven- to eight-year-old range, they may want to get a family cat or dog. Your first grader could do small tasks around the house like caring for and feeding a fish to show he’s ready for more responsibility. These strategies could also be used for allowing sleepovers with friends. If your child shows they can follow their bedtime routine without being asked, they could be rewarded with sleepovers.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Be an example of good self-management

Most parents have moments when they are upset. At these times, tell your family you need a small break to calm down. Take this time to think about how to come back to the situation in a positive manner. Your child will see you taking these steps to calm yourself and will be more likely to use this technique himself. You can also talk with your child as you calm yourself down. Head of St. Louis-based New City School, Tom Hoerr suggest saying things like, “I’m going to take some deep breaths and count one, two, three.” One of the best ways you can teach your child about self-management is to model it yourself.

Identify a place or technique to help your child calm down

Pay attention to your child’s natural calming strategies. For example, they might naturally look for comfort in a pillow or blanket, or they might try to walk away from upsetting situations. Some children may feel better simply by making silly faces or noises until they calm down. Understanding your child’s natural tendencies for calming can help you encourage those behaviors at other times. You can also help identify a special place for him to calm down, and let him choose what to call the space. Some examples could be the “safe place” or the “peace corner.” Teaching your child that it is O.K. to take some time to collect themselves will allow them to take the initiative and do it on their own. It can be best to practice this before your child is upset so that they can return to the technique or space at times when they are upset.

Limit screen time

Try not to give your first-grader a phone, tablet, or another electronic device every time you find yourselves waiting for a doctor’s appointment, picking up a sibling from school, or waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant. There’s value for your child in learning to control themselves in situations where he’s not entertained.

Make routines into an art project

On a large piece of paper or dry-erase board, work with your child to outline getting ready for bed or school. You can cut pictures out of magazines, like toothbrushes or backpacks, to add to the paper. Map out what is done first and what is done last. Do you start with brushing teeth and then getting dressed? Clearly labeling what is expected of your child helps them act accordingly. They will likely need reminding and reinforcing at times, but showing him what is expected is a good place to start. If your child has difficulty with routines, try breaking them into smaller steps.

Try role-playing with your child

For example, play grocery store and have him pretend to be the cashier. As your child pretends, they are learning self-management by acting like the cashier. Instead of doing something they might have a sudden urge to do, like pet the family dog, your child continues to scan your pretend groceries.

During the early elementary years, children are learning how to communicate their needs and emotions verbally, and how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language. As children gain a better sense of other people’s perspectives and behaviors and start to understand that feelings play a major role in the nature of relationships, they are developing social awareness.

During the early part of this phase, your child is expanding their social circle and they are beginning to realize how their feelings and behaviors affect others. they are also discovering that others have different points of view and that these differences may affect their interactions.

Keep in mind that every child has different levels of social awareness, as this can be a product of both their nature and the interactions they have had since infancy. Some children may display a low level of social awareness, when in fact they are shy or introverted. Children’s literature can be a good way to level the playing field, as it contains relevant examples that can help your child understand their behavior and the behavior of others, which your child will need to do in order to successfully engage in their relationships.

At this early age, children are learning how to interact with others and how to recognize their feelings and needs, although they may not yet know how to apply empathy to all of their interactions. For instance, your child may not fully understand why a classmate gets upset when she takes a pencil away without asking for it. As your child grows and becomes more socially aware, he or she should be able to better identify how their actions make others feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss situations that occur in everyday life

Take a conversation you had with a friend, family member, or clerk at the supermarket that your child has witnessed and ask them to point out the language, body language, and facial expressions that were exchanged. You can also role-play with their stuffed animals or favorite toys to show what your child would have done in that situation. Even though your child was present when you had this exchange, it’s always a good idea to ask them what they think happened, how people felt, and how your child could tell this, before you provide your own interpretation of the situation.

Play a game of "feelings charades"

A good way to teach your child about body language, emotions, and empathy is to have their play a game of “feelings charades.” You can use flashcards with different faces, or even write emotions or behaviors that hurt others on pieces of paper and let your child pick one out of a hat. Take turns acting out the way a person would be feeling with either the emotion that’s on the paper or the face that’s on the card. This will help start discussions on topics that a child this age might be reluctant to talk about otherwise.

Observe the behavior of pets

If you have pets, you can also use them to help teach your child about social awareness. A dog or a cat, for example, will behave in specific ways when it is feeling happy, angry, playful, or tired. Point out these behaviors to your child as they appear, and explain to them how these emotions are similar to those experienced by the people around her.

Teach your child about personal space

Be specific when you are talking about what’s appropriate and what’s not, and provide them with visual cues. For example, you can have them stretch out their arms and explain that this is their personal space and that your child should provide other children with that much space when interacting with them. Remind them that when your child gets too close to another person or touches them, they might react negatively. You can also use stuffed animals or action figures to act out what’s appropriate and what is not.

Children at this age should be able to accurately describe relationships they have with others, and know what the traits of a good friend are. As your child begins to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation, they are learning how to use polite language to interact effectively with others, to pay attention when others are speaking, and to take turns and share with others. Group projects and team activities help further develop these skills, but remember that this is an ongoing process, and it may take some time before your child is consistently able to share and be polite.

Most children enhance their social management skills through their interactions and relationships with others, but parents can help them nurture these abilities. With the ever-expanding exposure to different cultures and people in today’s always-connected world, building relationship skills from an early age can set your child up for future success.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Your child learns a lot from you, so be a good example

Think about how you interact with your family and friends, and how you make and keep friends. Is your behavior setting a good example for your child? Are there certain relationships or areas that you can work on? Evaluating your own relationship skills is a crucial step in teaching your child about social management, and by being reflective, responsive and supportive, you are helping to nurture your child’s sense of social and emotional well-being.

Cook with your child

Ask your child to help make their favorite dish by following your directions, one at a time. Make sure to say “please” and “thank you” and acknowledge all of their efforts. This will not only help them learn about the art of listening, but teach them about the importance of being polite to others, especially while working on group projects.

Always take time to talk with your child about her day and interests

Don’t be satisfied with one-word answers. Often, parents have a lot on their plate and are happy to keep discussions brief, but children need practice in expressing themselves clearly and completely. Make sure to point out when your child says something that is thoughtful or when your child uses their language skills appropriately. For example, when your child says something kind about others, like, “Sally was nice to me today because your child shared their snacks with me,” or if your child poses a good question during your conversation, “Can I take some snacks to share with Sally tomorrow?” When your child asks something that is not related to what you are talking about or not clearly expressed, help their stay within the conversation.

Work with your child to find solutions to interpersonal problems

A helpful approach is to ask good questions about what your child thinks your child should do in any situation, and what the consequences of their particular solution will be. For example, if they are having a hard time with a classmate, you can say, “If your friend doesn’t want to play with you, you might want to ask their if you did anything to hurt their feelings. Do you think you should say sorry? If you say sorry, your child might feel better. If your child did something to you, maybe you can ask their why your child did that.” You may not be around to solve any difficulties that occur, and it is better to start helping your child build this essential skill when they are young and problems are less serious.

Talk to your child about friendships

Ask your child who their friends are, and then ask them about the qualities that your child looks for in a friend and how your child likes their friends to treat her. For example, ask her, “Why do you like to play with Jamal after school? What makes him a good friend?” Make sure to ask their about qualities that your child doesn’t like, and what makes them a good friend to others. For example, “Has Shannon ever said anything that made you feel sad?”

Your child likely doesn’t have their own decision-making skills down solid at this point, but they should be able to identify simple rules of behavior like needing to buckle their seatbelt in the car, or how to sit with the family at dinner time without too much fuss.

Your first-grader should also be able to recognize when poor decisions, like saying hurtful comments to someone or telling a lie, can hurt other people.

One of the most basic rules parents often teach children at this young age is to not get in a car or go anywhere with strangers. Your first-grader should know that rule and make good decisions based on it. Your child should also be able to share and take turns, regardless of whether your child wants to.

Responsible decision-making includes choices about personal behavior, but also about what society finds acceptable. In short, learning to make choices that are both good for yourself and others. That can be a tall task for an elementary school child. Fortunately, many choices at this age are smaller choices and helping your child develop a sense of how to make good decisions can prepare her for more difficult decisions later on. Making decisions can help young children develop a sense of responsibility.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child that you'll always love and support her

Adults and children make bad choices at times, and supporting your child through hard decisions and poor choices shows you love them unconditionally. Of course, you want to point out that some choices are not acceptable, but if your child makes the same mistake again, make sure to reinforce you still love her. You can also help them make up for those mistakes. Did your child hurt a friend? Have their write an apology note and ask for forgiveness.

Give your child room to make decisions on her own

Some decisions like which book to read at bedtime or whether your child wants carrots or sweet potatoes with dinner are not big choices for you, but allowing them the choice will make them feel more involved and give their more autonomy. Also give their room to make decisions even if your child doesn’t make a choice you agree with, as long as the consequences don’t affect their health or safety. For example, if your child wants to take their allowance to school, let them make that choice. If your child ends up losing a few dollars or coins at recess, your child will likely feel bad about it and learn that it wasn’t a good idea. Letting children learn from their own mistakes is a great teaching opportunity that they will likely remember longer than if you had simply said “no” from the beginning.

Talk to your child about consequences

This can help give their tools your child can use to make their own decisions in the future. Ask them questions like, “What do you think will happen if we don’t wear our coats outside today?” or, “If you don’t go to sleep on time, what do you think you’ll be like at school tomorrow?” or, “How do you think your sister will feel if you play with their favorite toy without asking?” Taking another person’s perspective enhances the quality of your child’s decision-making because in order for your child to make the best decision your child must be able to understand how it will affect others. Learning that there are consequences for actions that affect your child and others is a good way to promote empathy and responsible decision-making.

Use bedtime stories to talk about responsible decisions

Books that center on characters that have to make decisions, like the "Berenstain Bears" series, are a great option. Pause when the characters get to the problem. Ask your child what your child thinks the bears should do, and what your child thinks will happen. Talk about the problem as you’re reading, using terms like, “How would you solve this problem?” or, “What is the problem again?” and “What should Sister Bear do now?” This is a great opportunity to ask your child about the problems they have faced recently and how they were able to solve them.

Explain to your child that different rules apply in different settings

For example, inside or quiet voices need to be used in places like libraries and movie theaters, but cheering or loud yelling can be appropriate when watching sports or playing them. This allows your child to understand the differences in situations that can impact their decision-making.

Talk about a decision you are currently making

For example, you could focus on things like what you’re planning to buy at the grocery store. Talk through your plans for making dinners, what ingredients you think you’ll need, and why you’ll choose what you will. Why are you going to make tacos instead of pasta? What are the health implications of the items you’re buying and why do you choose them? Are you trying to make sure everyone in the family has something they like to eat this week? Maybe you’ve decided to make pancakes for dinner one night for a change of pace, or you’re planning to put broccoli in the mac and cheese to get a vegetable into the mix. This gives an opportunity for your child to see the decision-making process in action and understand that even simple decisions like what brand of tomato sauce to buy have reasoning behind them. Alternatively, you may make a choice that doesn’t have reasoning behind it, like choosing a sweet potato over a plain potato. Letting your child see that some decisions can’t be explained will be a comfort at this young age when your child is likely unable to give a reason behind most of their decisions.

At this young age, your child may have a hard time saying exactly what they are feeling. They may be upset without quite having the vocabulary or the self-awareness to fully explain their emotions. Self-awareness is the ability to accurately recognize feelings and understand how they relate to behavior. For example, they may know what it feels like to be mad or sad, but not angry, embarrassed, ashamed, or disappointed. Or they may feel sad, but not know why. For younger children, this frustration can lead to crying or temper tantrums, and even physical aggression. That frustration comes from not yet having the proper way to express their emotions. As your child develops their self-awareness, they will learn to manage their behavior. Another part of self-awareness is your child’s ability to recognize their strengths and challenges, and to identify areas where they excel. At this age, these can be simple activities like riding a bike, coloring, counting to 10, or being a helper around the house by setting the table. If your child needs help with any of the examples above, asking for help is also part of self-awareness.

Your second-grader should be able to identify basic emotions like sadness, happiness, and fear. They should be able to begin to describe and understand what causes these emotions. For example, if a sibling or friend doesn’t share a favorite toy or game, they should be able to explain why this scenario made them feel mad. As your child’s self-awareness develops, your child will be able to distinguish between subtle emotions and evaluate their causes and consequences. 

At this age, your child should also be able to identify what they like and dislike, such as games your child likes to play and subjects that interest her, like English or art.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child what feelings look like

Get a poster, or draw one with your child, of faces with different emotions. Ask your child to identify one of the emotions on the poster and when your child last felt this way and why. Ask her how she’s feeling now and why she feels that way. This will increase her vocabulary while also helping her more accurately identify her emotions.

Help your child identify the feelings of others

Take opportunities everyday to help your child identify the feelings of others. How does their face look when your child feels that way? Pointing out emotions in others is a good way to help your child begin to understand those feelings in herself. Teacher Clare Morrison suggests also asking, “Show me what happy looks like for you,” and, “What does sad look like to you?” By making a facial expression, your child is better-able to connect the emotion to their own body language.

Point out feelings using family pictures

Many young children like to look at family photos. Take the opportunity to talk about emotions that family members are feeling. For example, wedding photos will be filled with happy people. Point out their smiles and their expressions. This could be a good opportunity to point out that someone who is crying isn’t always sad. In some cases it can mean someone is very happy.

Talk about your child's emotions as she's having them

For example, if your child seems angry or frustrated, teacher Clare Morrison suggests saying, “I noticed your eyebrows are closer together and your arms are folded. Tell me how you’re feeling right now.” By prompting your child to talk about their feelings as she’s having them, you can help her identify her feelings. Try not to label their emotion for them by saying, “You look mad” or “You look sad.” Instead, let them give a name for the way they are feeling as your child begins to connect their body language to an emotion.

Help your child recognize her strengths

When a child shows interest in an activity or topic, it is often because they have a strength related to it. One of the best ways to help your child understand and value their strengths is to encourage their ideas and interests. You can begin to do this by asking what your child likes or noting a topic your child talks a great deal about. Nurture their interest by finding related activities. For example, you can both take part in volunteering at an animal shelter if she’s interested in cats. Whatever the activity may be, by encouraging your child’s interests, you are helping to define and enhance their strengths and build their confidence.

In these early elementary years, your child may be able to identify ways they can calm themselves and ways to deal with emotions that are upsetting. Your second grader may also be able to stick to a routine, like getting ready for bed or getting ready for school, and be able to recognize the steps it takes for those routines to be complete. They should also be able to wait their turn, whether they're in the classroom or playing with friends.

Your second grader should also be able to set some goals, better-known at this age as wishes, and work toward them. For example, if they're in the seven- to eight-year-old range, your child may want to get a family cat or dog. They could do small tasks around the house like caring for and feeding a fish to show he’s ready for more responsibility. These strategies could also be used for allowing sleepovers with friends. If your child shows your child can follow their bedtime routine without being asked, they could be rewarded with sleepovers.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Be an example of good self-management

Most parents have moments when they are upset. At these times, tell your family you need a small break to calm down. Take this time to think about how to come back to the situation in a positive manner. Your child will see you taking these steps to calm yourself and will be more likely to use this technique himself. You can also talk with them as you calm yourself down. Head of St. Louis-based New City School, Tom Hoerr suggest saying things like, “I’m going to take some deep breaths and count one, two, three.” One of the best ways you can teach your child about self-management is to model it yourself.

Identify a place or technique to help your child calm down

Pay attention to your child’s natural calming strategies. For example, he might naturally look for comfort in a pillow or blanket, or they might try to walk away from upsetting situations. Some children may feel better simply by making silly faces or noises until they calm down. Understanding your child’s natural tendencies for calming can help you encourage those behaviors at other times. You can also help identify a special place for him to calm down, and let him choose what to call the space. Some examples could be the “safe place” or the “peace corner.” Teaching your child that it is O.K. to take some time to collect themselves will allow him to take the initiative and do it on their own. It can be best to practice this before your child is upset so that your child can return to the technique or space at times when they are upset.

Limit screen time

Try not to give your second-grader a phone, tablet, or another electronic device every time you find yourselves waiting for a doctor’s appointment, picking up a sibling from school, or waiting for food to arrive in a restaurant. There’s value for your child in learning to control themselves in situations where he’s not entertained.

Make routines into an art project

On a large piece of paper or dry-erase board, work with your child to outline getting ready for bed or school. You can cut pictures out of magazines, like toothbrushes or backpacks, to add to the paper. Map out what is done first and what is done last. Do you start with brushing teeth and then getting dressed? Clearly labeling what is expected of them helps them act accordingly. Your second-grader will likely need reminding and reinforcing at times, but showing him what is expected is a good place to start. If they have difficulty with routines, try breaking them into smaller steps.

Try role-playing with your child

For example, play grocery store and have them pretend to be the cashier. As your second-grader pretends, they are learning self-management by acting like the cashier. Instead of doing something they might have a sudden urge to do, like pet the family dog, your child continues to scan your pretend groceries.

By the time your child is 7 to 8 years old, your child should be sensitive to others’ feelings and respond well to group interactions. Occasionally, children who are 7 or 8 find that their word skills far exceed their social and emotional skills. At this age, they can be quite skilled at saying comments that are hurtful or harsh without realizing their impact. As your child begins to understand that there are more and less appropriate ways to express themselves and that what your child says and does affects others, they are strengthening their ability to make friends and be a productive part of their community.

Keep in mind that every child has different levels of social awareness, as this can be a product of both their nature and the interactions they have had since infancy. Some children may display a low level of social awareness, when in fact they are shy or introverted. Children’s literature can be a good way to level the playing field, as it contains relevant examples that can help your child understand their behavior and the behavior of others, which your child will need to do in order to successfully engage in their relationships.

At this early age, children are learning how to interact with others and how to recognize their feelings and needs, although they may not yet know how to apply empathy to all of their interactions. For instance, your child may not fully understand why a classmate gets upset when she takes a pencil away without asking for it. As your child grows and becomes more socially aware, he or she should be able to better identify how their actions make others feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss situations that occur in everyday life

Take a conversation you had with a friend, family member, or clerk at the supermarket that your child has witnessed and ask them to point out the language, body language, and facial expressions that were exchanged. You can also role-play with their stuffed animals or favorite toys to show what your child would have done in that situation. Even though your child was present when you had this exchange, it’s always a good idea to ask what your child thinks happened, how people felt, and how your child could tell this, before you provide your own interpretation of the situation.

Play a game of "feelings charades"

A good way to teach your child about body language, emotions, and empathy is to have their play a game of “feelings charades.” You can use flashcards with different faces, or even write emotions or behaviors that hurt others on pieces of paper and let your child pick one out of a hat. Take turns acting out the way a person would be feeling with either the emotion that’s on the paper or the face that’s on the card. This will help start discussions on topics that a child this age might be reluctant to talk about otherwise.

Observe the behavior of pets

If you have pets, you can also use them to help teach your child about social awareness. A dog or a cat, for example, will behave in specific ways when it is feeling happy, angry, playful, or tired. Point out these behaviors to your child as they appear, and explain to them how these emotions are similar to those experienced by the people around her.

Teach your child about personal space

Be specific when you are talking about what’s appropriate and what’s not, and provide them with visual cues. For example, you can have them stretch out their arms and explain that this is their personal space and that your child should provide other children with that much space when interacting with them. Remind them that when they get too close to another person or touches them, they might react negatively. You can also use stuffed animals or action figures to act out what’s appropriate and what is not.

Children at this age should be able to accurately describe relationships they have with others, and know what the traits of a good friend are.

As your child begins to establish and maintain healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation, they are learning how to use polite language to interact effectively with others, to pay attention when others are speaking, and to take turns and share with others. Group projects and team activities help further develop these skills, but remember that this is an ongoing process, and it may take some time before your child is consistently able to share and be polite.

Most children enhance their social management skills through their interactions and relationships with others, but parents can help them nurture these abilities. With the ever-expanding exposure to different cultures and people in today’s always-connected world, building relationship skills from an early age can set your child up for future success.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Your child learns a lot from you, so be a good example

Think about how you interact with your family and friends, and how you make and keep friends. Is your behavior setting a good example for your child? Are there certain relationships or areas that you can work on? Evaluating your own relationship skills is a crucial step in teaching your child about social management, and by being reflective, responsive, and supportive, you are helping to nurture your child’s sense of social and emotional well-being.

Cook with your child

Ask your second-grader to help make their favorite dish by following your directions, one at a time. Make sure to say “please” and “thank you” and acknowledge all of their efforts. This will not only help them learn about the art of listening, but teach them about the importance of being polite to others, especially while working on group projects.

Always take time to talk with your child about her day and interests

Don’t be satisfied with one-word answers. Often, parents have a lot on their plate and are happy to keep discussions brief, but children need practice in expressing themselves clearly and completely. Make sure to point out when your child says something that is thoughtful or when they use their language skills appropriately. For example, when your child says something kind about others, like, “Sally was nice to me today because your child shared their snacks with me,” or if your child poses a good question during your conversation, “Can I take some snacks to share with Sally tomorrow?” When your child asks something that is not related to what you are talking about or not clearly expressed, help them stay within the conversation.

Work with your child to find solutions to any interpersonal problems she may be experiencing

A helpful approach is to ask good questions about what your child thinks your child should do in any situation, and what the consequences of their particular solution will be. For example, if they are having a hard time with a classmate, you can say, “If your friend doesn’t want to play with you, you might want to ask them if you did anything to hurt their feelings. Do you think you should say sorry? If you say sorry, your child might feel better. If your child did something to you, maybe you can ask them why your child did that.” You may not be around to solve any difficulties that occur, and it is better to start helping your child build this essential skill when they are young and problems are less serious.

Talk to your child about friendships

Ask your child who their friends are, and then ask them about the qualities that your child looks for in a friend and how your child likes their friends to treat her. For example, ask her, “Why do you like to play with Jamal after school? What makes him a good friend?” Make sure to ask them about qualities that your child doesn’t like, and what makes them a good friend to others. For example, “Has Shannon ever said anything that made you feel sad?”

Your child likely doesn’t have their own decision-making skills down solid at this point, but they should be able to identify simple rules of behavior like needing to buckle their seatbelt in the car, or how to sit with the family at dinner time without too much fuss.

They should also be able to recognize when poor decisions, like saying hurtful comments to someone or telling a lie, can hurt other people.

One of the most basic rules parents often teach children at this young age is to not get in a car or go anywhere with strangers. Your second grader should know that rule and make good decisions based on it. Your child should also be able to share and take turns, regardless of whether your child wants to.

Responsible decision-making includes choices about personal behavior, but also about what society finds acceptable. In short, learning to make choices that are both good for yourself and others. That can be a tall task for an elementary school child. Fortunately, many choices at this age are smaller choices and helping your child develop a sense of how to make good decisions can prepare her for more difficult decisions later on. Making decisions can help young children develop a sense of responsibility.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child that you'll always love and support her

Adults and children make bad choices at times, and supporting your child through hard decisions and poor choices shows you love them unconditionally. Of course, you want to point out that some choices are not acceptable, but if they make the same mistake again, make sure to reinforce you still love them. You can also help them make up for those mistakes. Did your child hurt a friend? Have them write an apology note and ask for forgiveness.

Give your child room to make decisions on her own

Some decisions like which book to read at bedtime or whether your child wants carrots or sweet potatoes with dinner are not big choices for you, but allowing them the choice will make them feel more involved and give their more autonomy. Also give them room to make decisions even if they don't make a choice you agree with, as long as the consequences don’t affect their health or safety. For example, if your child wants to take their allowance to school, let them make that choice. If your child ends up losing a few dollars or coins at recess, your child will likely feel bad about it and learn that it wasn’t a good idea. Letting children learn from their own mistakes is a great teaching opportunity that they will likely remember longer than if you had simply said “no” from the beginning.

Talk to your child about consequences

This can help give their tools your second-grader can use to make their own decisions in the future. Ask them questions like, “What do you think will happen if we don’t wear our coats outside today?” or, “If you don’t go to sleep on time, what do you think you’ll be like at school tomorrow?” or, “How do you think your sister will feel if you play with their favorite toy without asking?” Taking another person’s perspective enhances the quality of your child’s decision-making because in order for them to make the best decision they must be able to understand how it will affect others. Learning that there are consequences for actions that affect them and others is a good way to promote empathy and responsible decision-making.

Use bedtime stories to talk about responsible decisions

Books that center on characters that have to make decisions, like the "Berenstain Bears" series, are a great option. Pause when the characters get to the problem. Ask your child what they think the bears should do, and what they think will happen. Talk about the problem as you’re reading, using terms like, “How would you solve this problem?” or, “What is the problem again?” and “What should Sister Bear do now?” This is a great opportunity to ask them about the problems they have faced recently and how they were able to solve them.

Explain to your child that different rules apply in different settings

For example, inside or quiet voices need to be used in places like libraries and movie theaters, but cheering or loud yelling can be appropriate when watching sports or playing them. This allows your child to understand the differences in situations that can impact their decision-making.

Talk about a decision you are currently making

For example, you could focus on things like what you’re planning to buy at the grocery store. Talk through your plans for making dinners, what ingredients you think you’ll need, and why you’ll choose what you will. Why are you going to make tacos instead of pasta? What are the health implications of the items you’re buying and why do you choose them? Are you trying to make sure everyone in the family has something they like to eat this week? Maybe you’ve decided to make pancakes for dinner one night for a change of pace, or you’re planning to put broccoli in the mac and cheese to get a vegetable into the mix. This gives an opportunity for your child to see the decision-making process in action and understand that even simple decisions like what brand of tomato sauce to buy have reasoning behind them. Alternatively, you may make a choice that doesn’t have reasoning behind it, like choosing a sweet potato over a plain potato. Letting them see that some decisions can’t be explained will be a comfort at this young age when they are likely unable to give a reason behind most of their decisions.

Self-awareness is the ability to accurately identify emotions and the behaviors they can trigger, as well as accurately identifying personal strengths and weaknesses. As your child enters this late elementary age, they are more likely to be able to grasp the range of emotions they experience and what causes them.

At ages eight and nine, your child may be able to distinguish how the same emotion can mean different things in different situations. For example, your child may be able to identify someone crying at a wedding as being very happy, while identifying a child crying after falling down at the park as being hurt.

Your third-grader should also be able to begin to understand their own strengths and challenges. For instance, if your child is developing acting or musical skills and decides to join the drama club or a school musical, even if their best friend plays soccer, they are showing he’s self-aware.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use different words to describe your emotions

For example, instead of saying “I’m happy we all get to spend the weekend together” try using a word like “grateful” or “thankful” or “glad.” Exposing your child to more words can help build their emotional vocabulary. Sean Slade, director of the Whole Child Initiative at the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, recommends also sharing the reasons behind your feelings. By explaining what makes you tick, you are modeling self-awareness and showing how other people’s actions can affect your moods.

Encourage your child to get involved in school musicals or plays

Many schools and communities have opportunities for children this age to take part in acting, which builds on their self-awareness by letting them act out feelings. If your child isn’t interested in performing himself, take him to watch actors in a local play or musical, or to the movies, and talk about how the actors knew which expressions to make in order to accurately portray the character’s feelings.

Use books or TV to point out complex emotions

For example, take a moment to point out complex feelings and ask your child why your child thinks the character feels the way your child does. Is the character jealous of a classmate while also feeling rejected by not being invited to their birthday party? For children who are less self-aware, you can go a step further and relate the characters to your child. Teacher Anne Harlam suggests saying, “The character reminds me of you -- people like to talk to them because they are a good listener!” or, “The character reminds me of the time when you were nervous because you didn’t have any of your old friends in your class.” Relating your child’s experiences to characters’ emotions can help your child build self-awareness.

Encourage your child to keep a journal

Promise not to read it and keep that promise. Allowing your child an outlet to describe what he’s feeling and thinking can help him verbalize their feelings. Having those emotions and thoughts written down will also help your child identify patterns and causes. If your child often writes about feeling excited by an upcoming sports game or travel, your child may recognize those events as triggers for their emotions. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis recommends also providing a separate response journal where your child can write down feelings and ask questions that you respond to. Writing down thoughts may be a more comfortable way for your child to discuss feelings than actually speaking about them.

Self-management is the ability to control your actions and emotions, and being able to recognize emotions is a key building block of self-management. It is a social-emotional skill that is associated with academic success. Self-management also covers skills like impulse control, goal-setting, and perseverance. As your child develops more self-management, she will be better able to handle upsetting situations like being left out, losing a game, or being teased, which can all affect her classroom performance. Self-management will also help her handle high-pressure situations like taking a test or competing in sports. The ability to self-regulate and manage emotions and behaviors is constantly evolving, especially for children this age. You may notice that one day your child is able to calm herself easily, while on another day she may burst into tears over a similar upsetting event. Every child develops at her own pace and that pace can change daily. It is important for you to continue to support your child through her development and give her the tools to be successful even on days when she feels a bit off.

In the third grade, your child should be able to recognize socially appropriate responses to emotions. For example, your child should know that throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store over which type of cereal your child wants for breakfast is not an appropriate response to feeling disappointed. By fifth grade, your child should be able to reflect on possible consequences before expressing their emotions.

Your third-grader should be able to recognize ways your child can deal with upsetting emotions. For example, your child should have some ways to calm herself, whether it’s removing themselves from an upsetting situation, taking deep breaths, or counting to ten before moving forward.

Your child should be able to identify how obstacles are overcome to achieve goals. This can be from personal experience, like when your child learned to ride a bike without training wheels, or from examples in books or television shows. Your child should also be able to remember when they were successful and recall the ways your child could apply what worked in that situation to future goals. For example, if your child improved their reading ability, your child should realize that improvement happened because your child spent more time practicing outside school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model self-regulation

For example, if you find yourself on hold with customer service and feeling impatient, tell your child, “I really don't like being on hold; it’s very annoying. But I’m going to take a few deep breaths and I’ll calm down.” Showing your child your self-control in the moment can be a powerful lesson. You can even work on those skills with your child when she’s not angry. Talking about coping skills like counting or taking deep breaths while they are calm will give your child practice and a skill your child can turn to when she’s upset. You can also talk about the times you haven’t succeeded with your self-management to show your child that this is a learned skill that requires work.

Help your child with stress management

As your child ages, your child may begin to feel stress as a result of more demanding coursework or the increased social pressures that come with the pre-teen years. You can help your child find ways to reduce stress. For example, if she’s worried about a test, there may be an opportunity to speak with the teacher beforehand or for them to study with a classmate. You may even want to explore physical exercise as a way to manage stress. Many people find simply walking or jogging a great stress release. Teacher Anne Morrison recommends children’s yoga as a fun way for children to relax. The next time your child seems stressed or upset, ask them to join you on a walk, or for a game of basketball and see if getting their blood pumping also helps to distract them from stress.

Ask your child to help around the house

Ask your child to assist you with small tasks around the house, like setting the table or laying out clothes for school the next day. Discussing and following through on simple routines and tasks helps develop their self-management and goal-setting skills. It’s teaching order, organization, and time management on a small level by having your child work through a set of tasks to complete a goal.

Pay attention to your child's behavior

New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison says your child may not always communicate their feelings, but their actions and behaviors may offer clues. For example, if you notice your child gets stressed or acts out on days they have tests, sports practice, or music lessons, it means your child feels more pressure in these situations than you knew. Noting the possible causes of their stress or other emotions can help you find ways to help them manage those feelings.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspective of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. During the late elementary years, your child is learning how to better manage and control his feelings when interacting with others. Although he may not yet apply empathy to all of his social interactions, his ability to monitor other people’s perspectives is improving, and he should be better able to see how his behavior affects others. For example, you should notice that he is becoming a better teammate through this development period. That’s a contrast to the “me first” attitude of early childhood. The changes brought on by puberty—especially in girls, who tend to enter this phase before boys—may affect how your child approaches relationships and interactions. This is a time of great physical and emotional development, and you can contribute to your child’s social success by supporting him through this very important and influential phase in his life.

At this age, your child is becoming more independent, and their interest in friends and social activities is growing. By this time, your child should know how to communicate their needs and feelings verbally, and understand that emotions play a major role in the nature of relationships.

As your child makes friends and forges new relationships, they are developing their ability to respect and identify other people’s perspectives and behaviors. As your child learns how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language, they are becoming better at understanding and evaluating social situations.

According to New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison, adds that the way your child discusses friend dynamics and whose fault it was during a conflict usually sheds light on how socially aware your child is. Is your child able to accurately relate what happened or is your child still looking at the situation through their own feelings?

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model good behavior

A child’s social behavior is best reinforced when parents are kind, sincere, and non-judgmental. Remember that your child is looking to you to set an example of how to interact with others, and that taking a moment to consider how you interact with others is an important part of nurturing your child’s social skills.

Share your family values with your child

To help your child learn about the need for respectful behavior, help him create a family credo, coat of arms or crest. Talk with him about your beliefs and expectations, and work with him to come up with a list of your family’s values, like trust, respect, kindness, and generosity. After you have this list, ask your child to identify three different ways that your child can apply these values in social situations. You may also want to write out all of this information on a poster board and hang it in a central area in your home as a reminder of your family’s values and expectations.

Discuss different perspectives

To help your child understand and respect the perspectives of others, talk with him about a book that he’s reading or a television show or movie that your child watched recently, and ask him what would happen if the story were written from another perspective. For example, a book about King Arthur and Merlin the sorcerer can be told from Merlin’s sister Morgana’s perspective. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory can be told from Charlie’s grandfather’s point of view. By doing this, you are not only teaching your child how to see life through different lenses, but also building their capacity for empathy and understanding.

Discuss current events

Talk to your child about social issues like immigration and racial and gender inequality. When you’re watching the evening newscast or reading the morning paper, ask your child to give you their opinion on these issues and talk to him about the people involved on both sides. These types of stories make children aware of historical events and allow them to relate to the hardships and joys of others. They also help children to learn more about conflict resolution and the importance of respecting others and their opinions.

Having good relationship skills is simply the ability to make and keep rewarding relationships with friends, family, and others from a wide range of backgrounds. During the late elementary school years, your child is not only discovering more about herself and her emotions, but also learning how to deal with relationships and peer pressure. Through each new friendship, she is learning how to use her communication and social skills to interact with others and to work together toward collective goals. Some children experience physical and emotional changes as they approach their teen years, and these can have a dramatic effect on the way that your child deals with her relationships and her interactions. Remember that every child develops at a different pace, and as your child discovers more about herself, her feelings, and her capabilities, she is learning how best to interact with a growing group of friends and peers. Practicing these skills with your child can help her understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide her with the confidence she needs to use the skills more independently.

During the late elementary years, your child is becoming more perceptive about the world around them and learning how to use their social skills to establish and maintain positive relationships. They are also discovering the importance of listening actively, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts effectively. During this phase, your child may have just a few friends, or even a single best friend.

Children of this age can often be hard on themselves if they make mistakes, and they may shift blame when there is a conflict so as not to appear directly responsible. The increased interest in peer relationships, while a natural part of growing up and a positive expansion of your child’s world, can also have negative consequences, including greater opportunities for exclusion, bullying, and conflict.

At this age, children may be loyal and considerate to their friends, but may question the rules at home. The child who is asking questions at home and requires extra reasoning is actually testing newfound skills and understandings in what they feel is a safe setting. You can use your influence to help guide them through these years and provide them with the support your child needs to further-develop their people skills. Often, just making sure that your child knows that your child can talk to you is enough for children of this age.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use the "sandwich" technique

Use the “sandwich” technique. Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your child how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your child feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Practice active listening with your child

Role-playing can be an effective way to help your child learn how to be a respectful listener. Begin by asking your child what they did this weekend, and as they are talking, make sure to fidget around and not give them eye contact. Once they are done, tell them to describe your body language and ask them how it felt when you were not listening to them. After this, you can model what active listening looks like, and ask them to practice listening to you. When they are done, give them feedback like, “You made really good eye contact with me and you seemed to be very interested in what I had to say.” Make sure to talk to them about why active listening is important, and help them come up with strategies for how your child can be a better listener to others.

Talk to your child about "put-ups"

Before bedtime or while commuting to school, talk to your child about put-downs and how they hurt people. Ask them to give you examples of put-downs your child may have heard or said to others, and how your child thinks these insults made people feel. Tell them to spin those put-downs around and come up with put-ups that your child can share with others next time to make them feel better or more confident about themselves. You can also find examples of put-downs in the media. Use them as a jumping-off point for a discussion about how the situations could have been handled without making others feel unnecessarily hurt.

Read books about resisting peer pressure with your child

Books like Say Something or One of Us by Peggy Moss can help you spark a conversation about the importance of resisting negative pressures when trying to fit in with others. Once you have read the book, talk with your child about the forms that peer pressure can take (remember that peer pressure can be positive, too, if your child’s peers are steering their in the right direction), and ask your child what their friends do that makes them want to do good things. You can also ask them how it feels to be pressured in a bad way and how your child dealt with it. Work together to identify negative pressure and figure out ways your child can stand up for themselves the next time your child finds themselves in a negative peer interaction. This may also be a good time to discuss tobacco, alcohol, and drug prevention strategies, as it is never too early to teach your child how to avoid these influences.

Children are not born with the ability to make responsible decisions. It is a skill that is learned over time and involves making mistakes and learning from them. As your child becomes more independent, he’ll be faced with making more decisions on his own. Director of the Rutgers Social and Emotional Laboratory Maurice Elias says that it is important to build this skill before the teenage years when problems and decisions can have more serious consequences.

The ability to make responsible decisions combines your child’s ability to identify and manage his emotions with his social awareness and relationship skills. You can support your child’s growing ability to make responsible decisions so that he is better equipped to make decisions on his own. Decisions like whom your child sits with at lunch or which shirt he puts on each day may seem small to you, but in the later elementary years, decisions can become more serious. For example, in the late elementary years, some children get their first smartphones or unsupervised internet time. Choices your child makes about how to present himself online can have long-term consequences that he may not understand yet. With your guidance, he can be better prepared for the future.

Your third-grader should be able to understand and explain why it is important to obey rules and laws, whether it’s traffic laws, rules at home, or rules in the classroom.

Your third-grader should be able to set some goals and priorities and create a plan related to them. These priorities can be related to schoolwork, like getting a good grade or completing a reading assignment, or relationships, like helping a friend or family member. Your child should also be able to think of different solutions for problems and think of the consequences of their choices.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child that you love and support her

Children will make mistakes as they test boundaries and explore their growing independence. By showing your child you support her even when your child makes mistakes, you’re showing her that you’re reliable and a constant comfort, which will help her not to be afraid to try something new and make mistakes again in the future.

Teach your child to save money

If your child wants a new toy or video game, make him save up money for the toy himself. By late elementary school they are capable of doing small tasks for an allowance. Your child may also get money from relatives and friends for birthdays or other holidays. Teaching him to save that money for something your child really wants will help him learn to make decisions to reach those goals. This also teaches him responsibility and some financial literacy as well.

Help your child with decision-making strategies

Parent-child interactions are the foundation of your child’s social development, and when you are responsive to your child’s needs and provide them with the freedom to make decisions on their own, they are more likely to be successful in social situations. Share with your child an important choice you made in the past, and together, break down the steps that you took to reach that decision. You may even want to write it out so you can both look at it, including a list of the pros and cons of that decision. Advise your child that next time they have a tough decision to make, your child can try to brainstorm a lot of options and then use a pros and cons list to help them reach a conclusion. These kinds of conversations will help you gain a better understanding of your child’s thought process, and it will allow them to see the logic and steps involved in making well-informed and thoughtful decisions.

Point out when your child makes good decisions

Often, children don’t realize they are making decisions at all. For example, if your child decides to read a book instead of fighting with their sibling over the remote control, tell them that you noticed your child not only made a choice to avoid conflict with their sibling, but also one that will help them academically. Praising good choices can encourage your child to continue making those decisions in the future. Additionally, make sure to take time to discuss your child’s day. Look for ways to highlight positive decisions your child made and talk about why your child made the choices your child did.

Talk through problems, logical consequences, and resolutions

Point out that there are often several ways to solve a problem. For example, if your child is having a hard time with a classmate during recess, you can talk with them about ways your child can approach the classmate and what the potential outcomes of the conversation could be. Additionally, if your child is falling behind on their homework, you can talk through ways to remedy this. For instance, your child could set aside time after dinner to continue working, your child could skip an extracurricular activity until they are caught up, or your child could decide not to do anything at all. You can help their talk through the different consequences of missing a favorite TV show, missing their friends or falling further behind, and running the risk of failing a class. It becomes apparent rather quickly that the best option would be to set aside more time at night, and you can help guide them to the decision that will benefit them the most.

Teach your child environmental responsibility

Taking a responsible role in society and learning how their actions affect others is a good way for your child to practice their decision-making skills. For example, try recycling or conserving energy. Talk with your child about how bettering the environment helps others. Then work together to come up with a plan for how you can help conserve energy or encourage recycling in your home. It shows your child how small everyday decisions and actions can make an impact in the larger world.

Take part in a service project together

Ask your child to plan a service project in which your family can help out in the local community. It can be volunteering at the local food bank, gathering items for a clothing drive, or spending time reading to the elderly at a local nursing home. By finding ways to translate the lesson of responsibility into action, you are helping to raise a more accountable and trustworthy child.

Self-awareness is the ability to accurately identify emotions and the behaviors they can trigger, as well as accurately identifying personal strengths and weaknesses. Put simply, it is about knowing what makes you tick. As your child enters this late elementary age, he is more likely to be able to grasp the range of emotions he experiences and what causes them. He may also have a more robust emotional vocabulary than he did in younger years, though he may still be learning to identify more complex emotions, like disappointment or rejection. Understanding your child’s development in the emotional realm can help you support his growth and help steer him through situations that he may find difficult. Children’s temperaments vary widely, and your child may be extremely adept at identifying his feelings or he may have difficulty with it. Both ends of the spectrum are considered normal, but if you have concerns over your child’s development it’s best to talk to his health care provider.

At about the age of nine and ten, your child may be able to accurately identify their emotions while also explaining why your child feels that way and what your child might like to change about that response. For example, they should be able to identify feeling rejected when friends decide not to include them in a game at recess, but be able to find another game to join in the future rather than dwelling on their disappointment.

Your fourth-grader should also be able to identify their strengths and weaknesses and understand how they affect the choices your child makes. For instance, if they are excelling in math, they may choose to join a math league at school. On the other hand, if they are struggling with math but is able to ask for extra help, that shows self-awareness. If they're struggling but puts off their homework, acts out, or tries to avoid the subject altogether, they are less self-aware.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use many different words to describe your own emotions around your child

For example, instead of saying “I’m happy we all get to spend the weekend together” try using a word like “grateful” or “thankful” or “glad.” Exposing your child to more words can help build their emotional vocabulary. Sean Slade, director of the Whole Child Initiative at the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, recommends also sharing the reasons behind your feelings. By explaining what makes you tick, you are modeling self-awareness and showing how other people’s actions can affect your moods.

To help your child develop self-awareness, encourage him to get involved in school musicals or community plays

Many schools and communities have opportunities for children this age to take part in acting, which builds on their self-awareness by letting them act out feelings. If your son isn’t interested in performing himself, take him to watch actors in a local play or musical, or to the movies, and talk about how the actors knew which expressions to make in order to accurately portray the character’s feelings.

Use books or TV to point out emotions, especially complex emotions for your child

For example, take a moment to point out complex feelings and ask your child why they think the character feels the way they do. Is the character jealous of a classmate while also feeling rejected by not being invited to their birthday party? For children who are less self-aware, you can go a step further and relate the characters to your child. Teacher Anne Harlam suggests saying, “The character reminds me of you—people like to talk to their because they are a good listener!” or, “The character reminds me of the time when you were nervous because you didn’t have any of your old friends in your class.” Relating your fourth-graders experiences to characters’ emotions can help them build self-awareness.

Encourage your child to keep a journal

Promise not to read it and keep that promise. Allowing your child an outlet to describe what he’s feeling and thinking can help him verbalize their feelings. Having those emotions and thoughts written down will also help your fourth-grader identify patterns and causes. If they often write about feeling excited by an upcoming sports game or travel, they may recognize those events as triggers for their emotions. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis recommends also providing a separate response journal where your child can write down feelings and ask questions that you respond to. Writing down thoughts may be a more comfortable way for your child to discuss feelings than actually speaking about them.

Self-management is the ability to control your actions and emotions, and being able to recognize emotions is a key building block of self-management. It is a social-emotional skill that is associated with academic success. Self-management also covers skills like impulse control, goal-setting, and perseverance. As your child develops more self-management, she will be better able to handle upsetting situations like being left out, losing a game, or being teased, which can all affect her classroom performance. Self-management will also help her handle high-pressure situations like taking a test or competing in sports. The ability to self-regulate and manage emotions and behaviors is constantly evolving, especially for children this age. You may notice that one day your child is able to calm herself easily, while on another day she may burst into tears over a similar upsetting event. Every child develops at her own pace and that pace can change daily. It is important for you to continue to support your child through her development and give her the tools to be successful even on days when she feels a bit off.

Your child should be able to recognize socially appropriate responses to emotions. For example, your child should know that throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store over which type of cereal your child wants for breakfast is not an appropriate response to feeling disappointed. By fifth grade, your child should be able to reflect on possible consequences before expressing their emotions.

Your child should be able to recognize ways your child can deal with upsetting emotions. For example, your child should have some ways to calm herself, whether it’s removing themselves from an upsetting situation, taking deep breaths, or counting to ten before moving forward.

Your child should be able to identify how obstacles are overcome to achieve goals. This can be from personal experience, like when your child learned to ride a bike without training wheels, or from examples in books or television shows. Your child should also be able to remember when they were successful and recall the ways your child could apply what worked in that situation to future goals. For example, if your child improved their reading ability, your child should realize that improvement happened because your child spent more time practicing outside school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model self-regulation

For example, if you find yourself on hold with customer service and feeling impatient, tell your child, “I really don't like being on hold; it’s very annoying. But I’m going to take a few deep breaths and I’ll calm down.” Showing your child your self-control in the moment can be a powerful lesson. You can even work on those skills with your child when she’s not angry. Talking about coping skills like counting or taking deep breaths while they are calm will give your child practice and a skill your child can turn to when she’s upset. You can also talk about the times you haven’t succeeded with your self-management to show your child that this is a learned skill that requires work.

Help your child with stress management

As your child ages, your child may begin to feel stress as a result of more demanding coursework or the increased social pressures that come with the pre-teen years. You can help your child find ways to reduce stress. For example, if she’s worried about a test, there may be an opportunity to speak with the teacher beforehand or for them to study with a classmate. You may even want to explore physical exercise as a way to manage stress. Many people find simply walking or jogging a great stress release. Teacher Anne Morrison recommends children’s yoga as a fun way for children to relax. The next time your child seems stressed or upset, ask them to join you on a walk, or for a game of basketball and see if getting their blood pumping also helps to distract them from stress.

Ask your child to help around the house

Ask your child to assist you with small tasks around the house, like setting the table or laying out clothes for school the next day. Discussing and following through on simple routines and tasks helps develop their self-management and goal-setting skills. It’s teaching order, organization, and time management on a small level by having your child work through a set of tasks to complete a goal.

Pay attention to your child's behavior

New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison says your child may not always communicate their feelings, but their actions and behaviors may offer clues. For example, if you notice your child gets stressed or acts out on days they have tests, sports practice, or music lessons, it means your child feels more pressure in these situations than you knew. Noting possible causes of their stress or other emotions can help you find ways to help them manage those feelings.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspective of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. During the late elementary years, your child is learning how to better manage and control his feelings when interacting with others. Although he may not yet apply empathy to all of his social interactions, his ability to monitor other people’s perspectives is improving, and he should be better able to see how his behavior affects others. For example, you should notice that he is becoming a better teammate through this development period. That’s a contrast to the “me first” attitude of early childhood. The changes brought on by puberty—especially in girls, who tend to enter this phase before boys—may affect how your child approaches relationships and interactions. This is a time of great physical and emotional development, and you can contribute to your child’s social success by supporting him through this very important and influential phase in his life.

At this age, your child is becoming more independent, and their interest in friends and social activities is growing. By this time, your child should know how to communicate their needs and feelings verbally, and understand that emotions play a major role in the nature of relationships.

As your child makes friends and forges new relationships, they are developing their ability to respect and identify other people’s perspectives and behaviors. As your child learns how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language, they are becoming better at understanding and evaluating social situations.

According to New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam, the way your child discusses friend dynamics and whose fault it was during a conflict usually sheds light on how socially aware your child is. Is your fourth-grader able to accurately relate what happened or are they still looking at the situation through their own feelings?

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model good behavior

A child’s social behavior is best reinforced when parents are kind, sincere and non-judgmental. Remember that your child is looking to you to set an example of how to interact with others, and that taking a moment to consider how you interact with others is an important part of nurturing your child’s social skills.

Share your family values with your child

To help your fourth-grader learn about the need for respectful behavior, help him create a family credo, coat of arms or crest. Talk with him about your beliefs and expectations, and work with him to come up with a list of your family’s values, like trust, respect, kindness, and generosity. After you have this list, ask your child to identify three different ways that your child can apply these values in social situations. You may also want to write out all of this information on a poster board and hang it in a central area in your home as a reminder of your family’s values and expectations.

Discuss different perspectives

To help your child understand and respect the perspectives of others, talk with him about a book that he’s reading or a television show or movie that your child watched recently, and ask him what would happen if the story were written from another perspective. For example, a book about King Arthur and Merlin the sorcerer can be told from Merlin’s sister Morgana’s perspective. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory can be told from Charlie’s grandfather’s point of view. By doing this, you are not only teaching your child how to see life through different lenses, but also building their capacity for empathy and understanding.

Discuss current events

Talk to your child about social issues like immigration and racial and gender inequality. When you’re watching the evening newscast or reading the morning paper, ask your child to give you their opinion on these issues and talk to him about the people involved on both sides. These types of stories make children aware of historical events and allow them to relate to the hardships and joys of others. They also help children to learn more about conflict resolution and the importance of respecting others and their opinions.

Having good relationship skills is simply the ability to make and keep rewarding relationships with friends, family, and others from a wide range of backgrounds. During the late elementary school years, your child is not only discovering more about herself and her emotions, but also learning how to deal with relationships and peer pressure. Through each new friendship, she is learning how to use her communication and social skills to interact with others and to work together toward collective goals. Some children experience physical and emotional changes as they approach their teen years, and these can have a dramatic effect on the way that your child deals with her relationships and her interactions. Remember that every child develops at a different pace, and as your child discovers more about herself, her feelings, and her capabilities, she is learning how best to interact with a growing group of friends and peers. Practicing these skills with your child can help her understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide her with the confidence she needs to use the skills more independently.

During the late elementary years, your child is becoming more perceptive about the world around them and learning how to use their social skills to establish and maintain positive relationships. They are also discovering the importance of listening actively, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts effectively. During this phase, your child may have just a few friends, or even a single best friend.

Children of this age can often be hard on themselves if they make mistakes, and they may shift blame when there is a conflict so as not to appear directly responsible. The increased interest in peer relationships, while a natural part of growing up and a positive expansion of your child’s world, can also have negative consequences, including greater opportunities for exclusion, bullying, and conflict.

At this age, children may be loyal and considerate to their friends, but may question the rules at home. The child who is asking questions at home and requires extra reasoning is actually testing newfound skills and understandings in what they feel is a safe setting. You can use your influence to help guide them through these years and provide them with the support your child needs to further-develop their people skills. Often, just making sure that your child knows that your child can talk to you is enough for children of this age.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use the "sandwich" technique

Use the “sandwich” technique. Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your child how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your child feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Practice active listening with your child

Role-playing can be an effective way to help your child learn how to be a respectful listener. Begin by asking your child what they did this weekend, and as they are talking, make sure to fidget around and not give them eye contact. Once they are done, tell them to describe your body language and ask them how it felt when you were not listening to them. After this, you can model what active listening looks like, and ask them to practice listening to you. When they are done, give them feedback like, “You made really good eye contact with me and you seemed to be very interested in what I had to say.” Make sure to talk to them about why active listening is important, and help them come up with strategies for how your child can be a better listener to others.

Talk to your child about "put-ups"

Before bedtime or while commuting to school, talk to your child about put-downs and how they hurt people. Ask them to give you examples of put-downs your child may have heard or said to others, and how your child thinks these insults made people feel. Tell them to spin those put-downs around and come up with put-ups that your child can share with others next time to make them feel better or more confident about themselves. You can also find examples of put-downs in the media. Use them as a jumping-off point for a discussion about how the situations could have been handled without making others feel unnecessarily hurt.

Read books about resisting peer pressure with your child

Books like Say Something or One of Us by Peggy Moss can help you spark a conversation about the importance of resisting negative pressures when trying to fit in with others. Once you have read the book, talk with your child about the forms that peer pressure can take (remember that peer pressure can be positive, too, if your child’s peers are steering their in the right direction), and ask your child what their friends do that makes them want to do good things. You can also ask them how it feels to be pressured in a bad way and how your child dealt with it. Work together to identify negative pressure and figure out ways your child can stand up for themselves the next time your child finds themselves in a negative peer interaction. This may also be a good time to discuss tobacco, alcohol, and drug prevention strategies, as it is never too early to teach your child how to avoid these influences.

Children are not born with the ability to make responsible decisions. It is a skill that is learned over time and involves making mistakes and learning from them. As your child becomes more independent, he’ll be faced with making more decisions on his own. Director of the Rutgers Social and Emotional Laboratory Maurice Elias says that it is important to build this skill before the teenage years when problems and decisions can have more serious consequences.

The ability to make responsible decisions combines your child’s ability to identify and manage his emotions with his social awareness and relationship skills. You can support your child’s growing ability to make responsible decisions so that he is better equipped to make decisions on his own. Decisions like whom your child sits with at lunch or which shirt he puts on each day may seem small to you, but in the later elementary years, decisions can become more serious. For example, in the late elementary years, some children get their first smartphones or unsupervised internet time. Choices your child makes about how to present himself online can have long-term consequences that he may not understand yet. With your guidance, he can be better prepared for the future.

Your child should be able to understand and explain why it is important to obey rules and laws, whether it’s traffic laws, rules at home, or rules in the classroom.

Your fourth-grader should be able to set some goals and priorities and create a plan related to them. These priorities can be related to schoolwork, like getting a good grade or completing a reading assignment, or relationships, like helping a friend or family member. Your child should also be able to think of different solutions for problems and think of the consequences of their choices.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child that you love and support him

Children will make mistakes as they test boundaries and explore their growing independence. By showing your child you support him even when he makes mistakes, you’re showing him that you’re reliable and a constant comfort, which will help him not to be afraid to try something new and make mistakes again in the future.

Teach your child to save money

If your child wants a new toy or video game, make him save up money for the toy himself. By late elementary school, they are capable of doing small tasks for an allowance. Your child may also get money from relatives and friends for birthdays or other holidays. Teaching him to save that money for something your child really wants will help him learn to make decisions to reach those goals. This also teaches him responsibility and some financial literacy as well.

Help your child with decision-making strategies

Parent-child interactions are the foundation of your child’s social development, and when you are responsive to your child’s needs and provide them with the freedom to make decisions on their own, they are more likely to be successful in social situations. Share with your child an important choice you made in the past, and together, break down the steps that you took to reach that decision. You may even want to write it out so you can both look at it, including a list of the pros and cons of that decision. Advise your child that next time they have a tough decision to make, your child can try to brainstorm a lot of options and then use a pros and cons list to help them reach a conclusion. These kinds of conversations will help you gain a better understanding of your child’s thought process, and it will allow them to see the logic and steps involved in making well-informed and thoughtful decisions.

Point out when your child makes good decisions

Often, children don’t realize they are making decisions at all. For example, if your child decides to read a book instead of fighting with their sibling over the remote control, tell them that you noticed your child not only made a choice to avoid conflict with their sibling, but also one that will help them academically. Praising good choices can encourage your child to continue making those decisions in the future. Additionally, make sure to take time to discuss your child’s day. Look for ways to highlight positive decisions your child made and talk about why your child made the choices your child did.

Talk through problems, logical consequences, and resolutions

Point out that there are often several ways to solve a problem. For example, if your child is having a hard time with a classmate during recess, you can talk with them about ways your child can approach the classmate and what the potential outcomes of the conversation could be. Additionally, if your child is falling behind on their homework, you can talk through ways to remedy this. For instance, your child could set aside time after dinner to continue working, your child could skip an extracurricular activity until they are caught up, or your child could decide not to do anything at all. You can help their talk through the different consequences of missing a favorite TV show, missing their friends or falling further behind, and running the risk of failing a class. It becomes apparent rather quickly that the best option would be to set aside more time at night, and you can help guide them to the decision that will benefit them the most.

Teach your child environmental responsibility

Taking a responsible role in society and learning how their actions affect others is a good way for your child to practice their decision-making skills. For example, try recycling or conserving energy. Talk with your child about how bettering the environment helps others. Then work together to come up with a plan for how you can help conserve energy or encourage recycling in your home. It shows your child how small everyday decisions and actions can make an impact in the larger world.

Take part in a service project together

Ask your child to plan a service project in which your family can help out in the local community. It can be volunteering at the local food bank, gathering items for a clothing drive, or spending time reading to the elderly at a local nursing home. By finding ways to translate the lesson of responsibility into action, you are helping to raise a more accountable and trustworthy child.

Self-awareness is the ability to accurately identify emotions and the behaviors they can trigger, as well as accurately identifying personal strengths and weaknesses. Put simply, it is about knowing what makes you tick. As your child enters this late elementary age, he is more likely to be able to grasp the range of emotions he experiences and what causes them. He may also have a more robust emotional vocabulary than he did in younger years, though he may still be learning to identify more complex emotions, like disappointment or rejection. Understanding your child’s development in the emotional realm can help you support his growth and help steer him through situations that he may find difficult. Children’s temperaments vary widely, and your child may be extremely adept at identifying his feelings or he may have difficulty with it. Both ends of the spectrum are considered normal, but if you have concerns over your child’s development it’s best to talk to his health care provider.

At about the age of nine and ten, your child may be able to accurately identify their emotions while also explaining why your child feels that way and what your child might like to change about that response. For example, your child should be able to identify feeling rejected when friends decide not to include them in a game at recess, but be able to find another game to join in the future rather than dwelling on their disappointment.

Your child should also be able to identify their strengths and weaknesses and understand how they affect the choices your child makes. For instance, if your child is excelling in math, your child may choose to join a math league at school. On the other hand, if they are struggling with math but is able to ask for extra help, that shows self-awareness. If he’s struggling but puts off their homework, acts out, or tries to avoid the subject altogether, they are less self-aware.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use many different words to describe your own emotions around your child

For example, instead of saying “I’m happy we all get to spend the weekend together” try using a word like “grateful” or “thankful” or “glad.” Exposing your child to more words can help build their emotional vocabulary. Sean Slade, director of the Whole Child Initiative at the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, recommends also sharing the reasons behind your feelings. By explaining what makes you tick, you are modeling self-awareness and showing how other people’s actions can affect your moods.

To help your child develop self-awareness, encourage him to get involved in school musicals or community plays

Many schools and communities have opportunities for children this age to take part in acting, which builds on their self-awareness by letting them act out feelings. If your child isn’t interested in performing himself, take him to watch actors in a local play or musical, or to the movies, and talk about how the actors knew which expressions to make in order to accurately portray the character’s feelings.

Use books or TV to point out emotions, especially complex emotions for your child

For example, take a moment to point out complex feelings and ask your child why your child thinks the character feels the way your child does. Is the character jealous of a classmate while also feeling rejected by not being invited to their birthday party? For children who are less self-aware, you can go a step further and relate the characters to your child. Teacher Anne Harlam suggests saying, “The character reminds me of you -- people like to talk to their because they are a good listener!” or, “The character reminds me of the time when you were nervous because you didn’t have any of your old friends in your class.” Relating your child’s experiences to characters’ emotions can help your child build self-awareness.

Encourage your child to keep a journal

Promise not to read it and keep that promise. Allowing your child an outlet to describe what he’s feeling and thinking can help him verbalize their feelings. Having those emotions and thoughts written down will also help your child identify patterns and causes. If your child often writes about feeling excited by an upcoming sports game or travel, your child may recognize those events as triggers for their emotions. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis recommends also providing a separate response journal where your child can write down feelings and ask questions that you respond to. Writing down thoughts may be a more comfortable way for your child to discuss feelings than actually speaking about them.

Self-management is the ability to control your actions and emotions, and being able to recognize emotions is a key building block of self-management. It is a social-emotional skill that is associated with academic success. Self-management also covers skills like impulse control, goal-setting, and perseverance. As your child develops more self-management, she will be better able to handle upsetting situations like being left out, losing a game, or being teased, which can all affect her classroom performance. Self-management will also help her handle high-pressure situations like taking a test or competing in sports. The ability to self-regulate and manage emotions and behaviors is constantly evolving, especially for children this age. You may notice that one day your child is able to calm herself easily, while on another day she may burst into tears over a similar upsetting event. Every child develops at her own pace and that pace can change daily. It is important for you to continue to support your child through her development and give her the tools to be successful even on days when she feels a bit off.

Your child should be able to recognize socially appropriate responses to emotions. For example, your child should know that throwing a temper tantrum at the grocery store over which type of cereal your child wants for breakfast is not an appropriate response to feeling disappointed. By fifth grade, your child should be able to reflect on possible consequences before expressing their emotions.

Your child should be able to recognize ways your child can deal with upsetting emotions. For example, your child should have some ways to calm herself, whether it’s removing themselves from an upsetting situation, taking deep breaths, or counting to 10 before moving forward.

Your child should be able to identify how obstacles are overcome to achieve goals. This can be from personal experience, like when your child learned to ride a bike without training wheels, or from examples in books or television shows. Your child should also be able to remember when they were successful and recall the ways your child could apply what worked in that situation to future goals. For example, if your child improved their reading ability, your child should realize that improvement happened because your child spent more time practicing outside school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model self-regulation

For example, if you find yourself on hold with customer service and feeling impatient, tell your child, “I really don't like being on hold; it’s very annoying. But I’m going to take a few deep breaths and I’ll calm down.” Showing your child your self-control in the moment can be a powerful lesson. You can even work on those skills with your child when she’s not angry. Talking about coping skills like counting or taking deep breaths while they are calm will give your child practice and a skill your child can turn to when she’s upset. You can also talk about the times you haven’t succeeded with your self-management to show your child that this is a learned skill that requires work.

Help your child with stress management

As your child ages, your child may begin to feel stress as a result of more demanding coursework or the increased social pressures that come with the pre-teen years. You can help your child find ways to reduce stress. For example, if she’s worried about a test, there may be an opportunity to speak with the teacher beforehand or for them to study with a classmate. You may even want to explore physical exercise as a way to manage stress. Many people find simply walking or jogging a great stress release. Teacher Anne Morrison recommends children’s yoga as a fun way for children to relax. The next time your child seems stressed or upset, ask them to join you on a walk, or for a game of basketball and see if getting their blood pumping also helps to distract them from stress.

Ask your child to help around the house

Ask your child to assist you with small tasks around the house, like setting the table or laying out clothes for school the next day. Discussing and following through on simple routines and tasks helps develop their self-management and goal-setting skills. It’s teaching order, organization, and time management on a small level by having your child work through a set of tasks to complete a goal.

Pay attention to your child's behavior

New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison says your child may not always communicate their feelings, but their actions and behaviors may offer clues. For example, if you notice your child gets stressed or acts out on days they have tests, sports practice, or music lessons, it means your child feels more pressure in these situations than you knew. Noting possible causes of their stress or other emotions can help you find ways to help them manage those feelings.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspective of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. During the late elementary years, your child is learning how to better manage and control his feelings when interacting with others. Although he may not yet apply empathy to all of his social interactions, his ability to monitor other people’s perspectives is improving, and he should be better able to see how his behavior affects others. For example, you should notice that he is becoming a better teammate through this development period. That’s a contrast to the “me first” attitude of early childhood. The changes brought on by puberty—especially in girls, who tend to enter this phase before boys—may affect how your child approaches relationships and interactions. This is a time of great physical and emotional development, and you can contribute to your child’s social success by supporting him through this very important and influential phase in his life.

At this age, your child is becoming more independent, and their interest in friends and social activities is growing. By this time, your child should know how to communicate their needs and feelings verbally, and understand that emotions play a major role in the nature of relationships.

As your child makes friends and forges new relationships, they are developing their ability to respect and identify other people’s perspectives and behaviors. As your child learns how to identify what others are feeling based on their facial expressions and body language, they are becoming better at understanding and evaluating social situations.

According to New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison, the way your child discusses friend dynamics and whose fault it was during a conflict usually sheds light on how socially aware your child is. Is your child able to accurately relate what happened or is your child still looking at the situation through their own feelings?

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Model good behavior

A child’s social behavior is best reinforced when parents are kind, sincere, and non-judgmental. Remember that your child is looking to you to set an example of how to interact with others, and that taking a moment to consider how you interact with others is an important part of nurturing your child’s social skills.

Share your family values with your child

To help your child learn about the need for respectful behavior, help him create a family credo, coat of arms or crest. Talk with him about your beliefs and expectations, and work with him to come up with a list of your family’s values, like trust, respect, kindness, and generosity. After you have this list, ask your child to identify three different ways that your child can apply these values in social situations. You may also want to write out all of this information on a poster board and hang it in a central area in your home as a reminder of your family’s values and expectations.

Discuss different perspectives

To help your child understand and respect the perspectives of others, talk with him about a book that he’s reading or a television show or movie that your child watched recently, and ask him what would happen if the story were written from another perspective. For example, a book about King Arthur and Merlin the sorcerer can be told from Merlin’s sister Morgana’s perspective. Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory can be told from Charlie’s grandfather’s point of view. By doing this, you are not only teaching your child how to see life through different lenses, but also building their capacity for empathy and understanding.

Discuss current events

Talk to your child about social issues like immigration and racial and gender inequality. When you’re watching the evening newscast or reading the morning paper, ask your child to give you their opinion on these issues and talk to him about the people involved on both sides. These types of stories make children aware of historical events and allow them to relate to the hardships and joys of others. They also help children to learn more about conflict resolution and the importance of respecting others and their opinions.

Having good relationship skills is simply the ability to make and keep rewarding relationships with friends, family, and others from a wide range of backgrounds. During the late elementary school years, your child is not only discovering more about herself and her emotions, but also learning how to deal with relationships and peer pressure. Through each new friendship, she is learning how to use her communication and social skills to interact with others and to work together toward collective goals. Some children experience physical and emotional changes as they approach their teen years, and these can have a dramatic effect on the way that your child deals with her relationships and her interactions. Remember that every child develops at a different pace, and as your child discovers more about herself, her feelings, and her capabilities, she is learning how best to interact with a growing group of friends and peers. Practicing these skills with your child can help her understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide her with the confidence she needs to use the skills more independently.

During the late elementary years, your child is becoming more perceptive about the world around them and learning how to use their social skills to establish and maintain positive relationships. They are also discovering the importance of listening actively, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts effectively. During this phase, your child may have just a few friends, or even a single best friend.

Children of this age can often be hard on themselves if they make mistakes, and they may shift blame when there is a conflict so as not to appear directly responsible. The increased interest in peer relationships, while a natural part of growing up and a positive expansion of your child’s world, can also have negative consequences, including greater opportunities for exclusion, bullying, and conflict.

At this age, children may be loyal and considerate to their friends, but may question the rules at home. The child who is asking questions at home and requires extra reasoning is actually testing newfound skills and understandings in what they feel is a safe setting. You can use your influence to help guide them through these years and provide them with the support your child needs to further-develop their people skills. Often, just making sure that your child knows that your child can talk to you is enough for children of this age.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Use the "sandwich" technique

Use the “sandwich” technique. Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your child how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your child feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Practice active listening with your child

Role-playing can be an effective way to help your child learn how to be a respectful listener. Begin by asking your child what they did this weekend, and as they are talking, make sure to fidget around and not give them eye contact. Once they are done, tell them to describe your body language and ask them how it felt when you were not listening to them. After this, you can model what active listening looks like, and ask them to practice listening to you. When they are done, give them feedback like, “You made really good eye contact with me and you seemed to be very interested in what I had to say.” Make sure to talk to them about why active listening is important, and help them come up with strategies for how your child can be a better listener to others.

Talk to your child about "put-ups"

Before bedtime or while commuting to school, talk to your child about put-downs and how they hurt people. Ask them to give you examples of put-downs your child may have heard or said to others, and how your child thinks these insults made people feel. Tell them to spin those put-downs around and come up with put-ups that your child can share with others next time to make them feel better or more confident about themselves. You can also find examples of put-downs in the media. Use them as a jumping-off point for a discussion about how the situations could have been handled without making others feel unnecessarily hurt.

Read books about resisting peer pressure with your child

Books like "Say Something" or "One of Us" by Peggy Moss can help you spark a conversation about the importance of resisting negative pressures when trying to fit in with others. Once you have read the book, talk with your child about the forms that peer pressure can take (remember that peer pressure can be positive, too, if your child’s peers are steering their in the right direction), and ask your child what their friends do that makes them want to do good things. You can also ask them how it feels to be pressured in a bad way and how your child dealt with it. Work together to identify negative pressure and figure out ways your child can stand up for themselves the next time your child finds themselves in a negative peer interaction. This may also be a good time to discuss tobacco, alcohol, and drug prevention strategies, as it is never too early to teach your child how to avoid these influences.

Children are not born with the ability to make responsible decisions. It is a skill that is learned over time and involves making mistakes and learning from them. As your child becomes more independent, he’ll be faced with making more decisions on his own. Director of the Rutgers Social and Emotional Laboratory Maurice Elias says that it is important to build this skill before the teenage years when problems and decisions can have more serious consequences.

The ability to make responsible decisions combines your child’s ability to identify and manage his emotions with his social awareness and relationship skills. You can support your child’s growing ability to make responsible decisions so that he is better equipped to make decisions on his own. Decisions like whom your child sits with at lunch or which shirt he puts on each day may seem small to you, but in the later elementary years, decisions can become more serious. For example, in the late elementary years, some children get their first smartphones or unsupervised internet time. Choices your child makes about how to present himself online can have long-term consequences that he may not understand yet. With your guidance, he can be better prepared for the future.

Your child should be able to understand and explain why it is important to obey rules and laws, whether it’s traffic laws, rules at home, or rules in the classroom.

Your fifth-grader should be able to set some goals and priorities and create a plan related to them. These priorities can be related to schoolwork, like getting a good grade or completing a reading assignment, or relationships, like helping a friend or family member. Your child should also be able to think of different solutions for problems and think of the consequences of their choices.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Show your child that you love and support him

Children will make mistakes as they test boundaries and explore their growing independence. By showing your child you support him even when he makes mistakes, you’re showing him that you’re reliable and a constant comfort, which will help him not to be afraid to try something new and make mistakes again in the future.

Teach your child to save money

If your child wants a new toy or video game, make him save up money for the toy himself. By late elementary school, they are capable of doing small tasks for an allowance. Your child may also get money from relatives and friends for birthdays or other holidays. Teaching him to save that money for something your child really wants will help him learn to make decisions to reach those goals. This also teaches him responsibility and some financial literacy as well.

Help your child with decision-making strategies

Parent-child interactions are the foundation of your child’s social development, and when you are responsive to your child’s needs and provide them with the freedom to make decisions on their own, they are more likely to be successful in social situations. Share with your child an important choice you made in the past, and together, break down the steps that you took to reach that decision. You may even want to write it out so you can both look at it, including a list of the pros and cons of that decision. Advise your child that next time they have a tough decision to make, your child can try to brainstorm a lot of options and then use a pros and cons list to help them reach a conclusion. These kinds of conversations will help you gain a better understanding of your child’s thought process, and it will allow them to see the logic and steps involved in making well-informed and thoughtful decisions.

Point out when your child makes good decisions

Often, children don’t realize they are making decisions at all. For example, if your child decides to read a book instead of fighting with their sibling over the remote control, tell them that you noticed your child not only made a choice to avoid conflict with their sibling, but also one that will help them academically. Praising good choices can encourage your child to continue making those decisions in the future. Additionally, make sure to take time to discuss your child’s day. Look for ways to highlight positive decisions your child made and talk about why your child made the choices your child did.

Talk through problems, logical consequences, and resolutions

Point out that there are often several ways to solve a problem. For example, if your child is having a hard time with a classmate during recess, you can talk with them about ways your child can approach the classmate and what the potential outcomes of the conversation could be. Additionally, if your child is falling behind on their homework, you can talk through ways to remedy this. For instance, your child could set aside time after dinner to continue working, your child could skip an extracurricular activity until they are caught up, or your child could decide not to do anything at all. You can help their talk through the different consequences of missing a favorite TV show, missing their friends or falling further behind, and running the risk of failing a class. It becomes apparent rather quickly that the best option would be to set aside more time at night, and you can help guide them to the decision that will benefit them the most.

Teach your child environmental responsibility

Taking a responsible role in society and learning how their actions affect others is a good way for your child to practice their decision-making skills. For example, try recycling or conserving energy. Talk with your child about how bettering the environment helps others. Then work together to come up with a plan for how you can help conserve energy or encourage recycling in your home. It shows your child how small everyday decisions and actions can make an impact in the larger world.

Take part in a service project together

Ask your child to plan a service project in which your family can help out in the local community. It can be volunteering at the local food bank, gathering items for a clothing drive, or spending time reading to the elderly at a local nursing home. By finding ways to translate the lesson of responsibility into action, you are helping to raise a more accountable and trustworthy child.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s identifying your emotions, strengths, and challenges, and knowing how your emotions affect your behavior. At this age, middle-schoolers often become much more influenced by their feelings, but may not be aware of how these emotions influence their behavior. When they build self-awareness, they can recognize their emotional triggers and strengths. They may seek out groups, clubs, or classes that appeal to their strengths, and they may have more realistic expectations for themselves when it comes to their challenges. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future; it is a skill that will help your child thrive.

Your middle-schooler may be able to accurately identify their emotions and the complexities of different emotions like jealousy, disappointment, and pride. Your child may also be able to identify the causes of certain emotions, like stress, anger, or excitement.

Your middle-schooler is also developing a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and may begin making choices based on that understanding. For example, if your child has a talent in music and elects to take a choir class instead of a gym class even though their friends are all taking gym, they are showing self-awareness.

Don’t be surprised if your child’s self-awareness appears inconsistent. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that your child may not be confident enough to truly know their emotions and not doubt them if their peers feel differently. Self-awareness may be inconsistent as your child sorts out what your child really believes about their feelings and what your child thinks their friends want them to feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Try to talk with your child about his feelings regularly

It may be hard at this age to engage your child in a long discussion about emotions, but taking a couple of minutes a day to ask “What made you feel good today?” or “Did anything upset you today?” is a great way to show you care. Try to avoid questions that will get a “yes” or “no” answer to create more conversation. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam suggests also talking about your own feelings. For example, “I’m really stressed out about this deadline at work” or “I’m really excited to spend time with the family this weekend.” Even if there isn’t always a discussion started, simply by providing daily interactions around their emotions you’re creating an environment where your child knows your child can talk to you. This will make him more likely to talk to you when they are ready to, or really needs to.

Be careful not to tell your child how he feels

Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s better to say what you see. For example, “It looks like you are feeling conflicted about going to that party, because you are not acting as excited as you usually do,” or “You say you are not nervous about the test, but you are very fidgety when you are trying to sit down and study.” By saying what you see, you signal to them how they look and it gives them a chance to correct you, explain, or perhaps deny what you said, but still have that feedback. This is different from saying, “You don’t really want to go to that party, do you?” or “I can’t believe you aren’t nervous about that test.”

Make sure your child has other trusted adults she can turn to

During adolescence, children often pull away from their parents, and they may not discuss important topics as much. Try not to take it personally, and point to other trusted adults your child can talk to about concerns, dreams or friendships. A close family friend, cousin, grandparent, aunt, teacher or school counselor could be an adult your child could turn to. Take the time to get to know the adults with whom your child is interacting to make sure they are safe mentors for them.

Be supportive of your child

Many children entering adolescence are more self-conscious than when they were younger, as their bodies are changing and they experience more social pressure. Let your sixth-grader know you’re always there to listen and, if they ask for it, offer advice. Try sharing stories of embarrassing times you had growing up, and encourage older siblings or family members to share as well. Having the reassurance of a supportive and empathetic parent can help them through feelings of self-doubt and self-consciousness.

Encourage your child to explore his strengths

Even if your child excels in an area that might not be popular, like a certain sport, playing a certain instrument, or joining certain clubs, their ability to recognize their strength and value in an unpopular area is self-awareness. Acting upon that strength and developing it further is a way to really show self-awareness, especially at this age when peer acceptance and pressure is so prevalent. Tom Hoerr, who is Head of School at New City School in St. Louis, recommends praising their effort, energy, and participation instead of focusing on the final outcome.

Look for opportunities to just listen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller notes that children may not confide in you at convenient times or when you ask them direct questions. However, if you create a trusting and open listening environment, they will be more likely to open up to you when they are ready. At those times, listen actively and ask questions. Try not to offer solutions to problems immediately. Instead, discuss the problem and allow them the chance to think for themselves about their own issues.

Self-management is the ability to control emotions and behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. Self-management is also being able to set and work toward goals, both personal and academic. As your child becomes a teenager, his ability to manage his emotions develops further. He will become better able to understand the consequences of his actions and to weigh the benefits and costs of certain behaviors, but he may not always act accordingly. Middle school can be a difficult time for parents and children alike, as your child develops more independence and starts pushing boundaries. By continuing to support your child’s self-management growth, you can guide him to becoming a responsible young adult.

In middle school, your child may be able to recognize the cause of certain emotions and change their behavior accordingly. For example, your sixth grader may realize they get sweaty palms and feel anxious when taking a test they haven't studied for. They may then decide to make time to study for the next test so they don't feel as stressed.

Your child may have developed strategies to manage their stress, like taking deep breaths, talking to themselves to calm down, or exercising. Your middle-schooler may also be able to overcome their emotions by refocusing their energy. For example, if they are feeling left out by not being in the starting lineup for their basketball game, they might manage to overcome that disappointment and cheer on their teammates.

Don’t be surprised if your sixth-grader excels at self-management one day and not the next. Many children are emotionally volatile at this age, and self-management is an ongoing development.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Be an example of self-management

At this age, some children may say that their parents are “stupid” or “don’t understand anything,” but parents are still one of the biggest influences in their lives. It can be frustrating to deal with a middle-schooler who may seem more difficult than in their younger years, but by maintaining your own composure, remaining calm, and addressing your child with respect, you can show them what self-management looks like. Try to remember that you will feel better if you’re able to maintain your calm when dealing with them, and try to talk through your strategies, too. For example, “I’m going to count to ten before I respond to your question.” You might be surprised when you see your actions reflected in your child.

Remind your child that there are consequences to her actions

Slamming doors, yelling, or acting out against family members or friends may happen frequently at this age. When your sixth-grader has calmed down from an outburst, talk to them about how their actions reflect on their and affect the family. For example, they may scare a younger sibling or pet when slamming doors, or they may hurt a friend’s feelings when acting out. You might also point out a time where they were able to handle a similar situation better. By pointing out their self-management skills and how their actions affect others and their perceptions of her, you are giving them a tool to see the impact of their behavior on the people who matter to them -- including themselves.

Give your child household tasks to complete each week

These shouldn’t be considered “chores” but simply tasks that everyone in the family has to do to keep the household running smoothly. Emphasize that everyone in the family has tasks to do and it’s part of being a team, or family. your child could be in charge of taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, feeding the family pet, or sorting and folding laundry. Allow them a choice in which task your child does, but stay firm that your child needs to choose something. By doing a task they may or may not enjoy, they are learning more self-management and responsibility, as well as how to be an active member of the community.

Social awareness involves having a strong sense of empathy—the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others—and applying it to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. At this age, your teen is developing their sense of empathy and they are learning how to behave appropriately in a variety of social settings. During the middle-school years, your child’s friendships become increasingly important to her, and your child may be more concerned about how their peers perceive him. Young people’s interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, and they are figuring out their role in romantic relationships. The physical and emotional changes of puberty may also affect your middle-schooler’s moods and the way your child approaches social interactions and relationships. You can help their deal with these changes by listening to their concerns and finding positive ways to build their social skills.

At this age, your teen should understand the need to apply empathy to their social interactions, and your child should be better able to identify the feelings and intentions of others. their ability to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others should also improve during these years. Your teen may not always put empathy into action, however, since adolescents are often more concerned about their social standing. This may cause them to focus on how others perceive him, rather than on their feelings.

During this phase, your adolescent may crave the attention of their friends and classmates more than ever as your child tries to define their own identity away from you. Middle-schoolers are eager to be accepted, have friends, and belong to the popular crowd, which can lead to hurt feelings if they are not part of a group. Your child may also show less affection to you, and the changes brought on by puberty can cause mood swings and unpredictable feelings.

Many young people also become more interested in sexuality and gender during these years. Being there for your adolescent and making them feel secure in themselves and their abilities may be the best way to help them deal with the social challenges of middle school, even if your child seems to resist your support at times.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Keep the communication lines open

Your child’s social world broadens during middle school, and it’s important to take the time to regularly talk to him openly and honestly about their feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before their bedtime, have frequent chats with him about their social life and their role as a friend. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause him to withhold information or not want to talk about these issues at all. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s good to always offer to drive for your adolescent and their friends. your child adds that you will learn a great deal by listening to their conversations in the car, and you will also get to know more about your child’s friends and what they are doing.

Nurture your adolescent's empathy

Middle school is an awkward time for any young person. It may involve a move to a larger school with more peers and going between classrooms for the first time. Your child may feel uncertain in this new and shifting social scene. Your child may also be nervous about making friends. By talking to him and explaining that everyone else is going through the same challenges, you can help him better-understand their peers and the importance of using empathy in their social interactions. You may also want to encourage him to make new friends or join school clubs and organizations to get to know different people. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam adds that if your teen is more introverted, you should try not to push him into social situations or put too much pressure on him to meet new people. your child suggests that you allow your adolescent to make friendships at a pace with which they are comfortable, and give him the support that your child may need to overcome their social challenges.

Get to know your middle-schooler's guidance counselor

Maurice Elias says that counselors can be a good source of information about what is happening in school, and if you notice changes in your child’s behavior that you can’t explain, you can check in with them. There could be things happening at school that you should know about, particularly bullying or cyberbullying. The counselor can be a big help in understanding and, in some cases, reaching out to your adolescent.

Books can spark conversations about bullying

Many schools have programs about these topics that involve books and other readings, and finding out about these can open up conversations about their content with your adolescent. If your child seems to have some concerns about bullying, look for natural opportunities to mention books about the topic, like Freak by Marcella Pixley, Wonder by R. J. Palacio, and Cornered: 14 Stories of Bullying and Defiance by Rhoda Belleza. These books lead naturally to a discussion about the forms that bullying can take. You can also ask her if she’s ever dealt with bullying or cyberbullying, and work together to figure out ways your child can handle these types of situations in the future.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups helps contribute to a person’s overall success. During these years, your adolescent is learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others and gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. Your adolescent’s social world broadens as your child enters middle school, and friendships, popularity, and being accepted become very important to her. The middle-school years bring about many challenges, especially between children and parents, as parents tend to focus on safety and academic and personal growth, while adolescents often care more about how they are perceived by their peers. Remember that every child develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your child can help their better-understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide them with the confidence needed to apply these abilities more independently.

At this age, your sixth-grader is better-able to use their social skills to establish and maintain friendships. As they expand their social circle and make friends, they are learning more about the importance of listening, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts. Middle school can be a socially challenging time for many children, and their friendships and relationships are always changing. Considering an adolescent’s unpredictable moods, these friendships may end abruptly and often, leading to hurt feelings.

This is a time when young people become more aware of their sexuality and attraction to others.

At this age, your sixth-grader cares a great deal about peer relationships, and they may distance themselves from you and want more privacy, personal time, and space in order to assert their growing independence.

Your middle-schooler may also be more exposed to peer pressure, bullying, and alcohol and drugs during these years. You can use your influence to help guide them through these unpredictable years and provide them with the support that they need to further develop their social skills.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Teach your child about first impressions

Parent Toolkit expert Faye de Muyshondt suggests that you teach them how to maintain eye contact, speak clearly, introduce themselves and smile or convey warmth to make a good first impression. You can help your adolescent practice this by role-playing and taking turns introducing yourselves to each other. Talk to them about the importance of first impressions and help provide them with a mental checklist that your child can use when meeting new people. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias recommends that you also ask your child to reflect on the first impressions that they are making on others. For example, you can ask questions like, “How do you see yourself?” “How do you think others to see you?” and “How do you want others to see you?” Keep in mind that you are also modeling for your child when you meet new people and make introductions, and you can use those situations as teachable moments.

Talk to your middle-schooler about responsible online behavior

Most adolescents use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind them that a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. This is also a good opportunity to discuss online bullying. Talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online and resisting going along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of. Monitor their time on social media and make it clear that “friends” in the virtual world are not the same as friends in the interpersonal world, and that your child will need to develop their skills in relating to people in a range of everyday, non-electronic situations.

Discuss peer pressure with your middle-schooler

Regardless of your child’s friends and social status, peer pressure will become an issue at one point or another. Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends that you discuss peer pressure openly with them, and talk about possible scenarios. You can ask them questions like, “What if the other kids are spending the night at a house while the parents are unaware and out of town?” Ask how your 6th grader feels about the scenario you’ve offered, and discuss the potential consequences of various choices and what your child might say to a friend who is asking them to take part. Talking through these kinds of possibilities prepares them with language to use with their peers so they are ready.

Use your child's interests to help him develop new friendships

Many middle-schoolers have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage your child to find out what their “thing” is. You can do this by researching topics of interest together or pointing out potential hobbies or future career options. Colorado-based school counselor Sharon F. Sevier suggests that once you identify your middle-schooler’s interests, you may want to have him participate in groups or activities outside school that foster their talents and may help him find new friends. Your child says that these groups enlarge the friendship circle beyond school. Youth groups and programs at religious organizations, scouts, athletics, music, drama, and volunteer work all offer adolescents a chance to grow and blossom and develop new friendships with different people.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you, as well as for others. It means taking into account your ethical values as well as the wishes and perspectives of others when making decisions. This piece of social and emotional development takes all of the other social and emotional skills and brings them together. Being able to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. As your child enters adolescence, they will begin to make more choices on their own as your child tests boundaries and becomes more independent. Choices in middle school become more complex than they were in younger years. Your adolescent may have to decide whether or not to do their homework, join an extracurricular activity, or hang out with friends who are positive influences rather than those who aren’t. By continuing to be supportive, actively listening, and being there for them, you can help your middle-schooler navigate hard choices and prepare them for future success.

Your adolescent should be able to understand the reasons behind many rules and laws, like a seatbelt or drunk driving laws.

They should also be able to identify different points of view when they're making decisions. For example, their friend might want to continue playing video games instead of doing homework, but your child knows you would expect them to do their homework.

Your sixth-grader should be able to take into account how their decisions affect others.

Your child should also begin to understand that while some activities and behaviors may be popular, that doesn’t make them right. For example, if a group of their friends is saying mean things about a classmate on social media, it may be funny to them but not to the classmate.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Define safe and smart choices with your middle-schooler

For example, talk to them about their physical health and the consequences of making irresponsible decisions like smoking cigarettes. Tell them about the impact on their health, like how it would affect their soccer skills or singing ability. Also, talk through alternatives to negative choices. For instance, explain to them that they can always call you or other family members for a ride home instead of getting into a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs.

Support your middle-schooler's decisions

Support your child when they make decisions you don’t agree with. It is bound to happen in every parent-child relationship. Even if you knew it was a bad decision, take the opportunity to talk with them about it. Try not to lecture; instead, ask what your child learned from the choice, and how they’ll handle a similar situation in the future. If your sixth-grader hurt you or someone else, give them the opportunity to make amends and ask for forgiveness. It’s important to show your adolescent that even if you don’t agree, you will still love him and be there to talk with them. For example, instead of saying, “I told you it was a bad idea to skip studying for that test,” say “Do you think you’ll skip studying next time? What would have been a better choice?”

Bring your middle-schooler into discussions about family issues

By allowing your sixth-grader into discussions like which movie to see or what to have for dinner—as well as more important matters, such as how to deal with issues affecting younger siblings—you’re giving them the opportunity to have their opinions heard. This shows that their opinions matter and that you’re open to hearing about their ideas. This may encourage them to share decisions they have to make about school or friends with you as well.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s identifying your emotions, strengths, and challenges, and knowing how your emotions affect your behavior. At this age, middle-schoolers often become much more influenced by their feelings, but may not be aware of how these emotions influence their behavior. When they build self-awareness, they can recognize their emotional triggers and strengths. They may seek out groups, clubs, or classes that appeal to their strengths, and they may have more realistic expectations for themselves when it comes to their challenges. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future; it is a skill that will help your child thrive.

Your middle-schooler may be able to accurately identify their emotions and the complexities of different emotions like jealousy, disappointment, and pride. They may also be able to identify the causes of certain emotions, like stress, anger, or excitement.

Your middle-schooler is also developing a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and may begin making choices based on that understanding. For example, if your child has a talent in music and elects to take a choir class instead of a gym class even though their friends are all taking gym, they are showing self-awareness.

Don’t be surprised if your seventh grader's self-awareness appears inconsistent. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that your child may not be confident enough to truly know their emotions and not doubt them if their peers feel differently. Self-awareness may be inconsistent as they sort out what they really believe about their feelings and what they think their friends want them to feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Try to talk with your child about his feelings regularly

It may be hard at this age to engage your child in a long discussion about emotions, but taking a couple of minutes a day to ask “What made you feel good today?” or “Did anything upset you today?” is a great way to show you care. Try to avoid questions that will get a “yes” or “no” answer to create more conversation. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam suggests also talking about your own feelings. For example, “I’m really stressed out about this deadline at work” or “I’m really excited to spend time with the family this weekend.” Even if there isn’t always a discussion started, simply by providing daily interactions around your child’s emotions you’re creating an environment where your child knows your child can talk to you. This will make him more likely to talk to you when they are ready to, or really needs to.

Be careful not to tell your child how he feels

Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s better to say what you see. For example, “It looks like you are feeling conflicted about going to that party, because you are not acting as excited as you usually do,” or “You say you are not nervous about the test, but you are very fidgety when you are trying to sit down and study.” By saying what you see, you signal to your child how your child looks and give him a chance to correct you, explain, or perhaps deny what you said, but still have that feedback. This is different from saying, “You don’t really want to go to that party, do you?” or “I can’t believe you aren’t nervous about that test.”

Make sure your child has other trusted adults she can turn to

During adolescence, children often pull away from their parents, and they may not discuss important topics as much. Try not to take it personally, and point to other trusted adults your child can talk to about concerns, dreams or friendships. A close family friend, cousin, grandparent, aunt, teacher or school counselor could be an adult your child could turn to. Take the time to get to know the adults with whom your child is interacting to make sure they are safe mentors for your child.

Be supportive of your child

Many children entering adolescence are more self-conscious than when they were younger, as their bodies are changing and they experience more social pressure. Let your child know you’re always there to listen and, if your child asks for it, offer advice. Try sharing stories of embarrassing times you had growing up, and encourage older siblings or family members to share as well. Having the reassurance of a supportive and empathetic parent can help your child through feelings of self-doubt and self-consciousness.

Encourage your child to explore his strengths

Even if your child excels in an area that might not be popular, like a certain sport, playing a certain instrument, or joining certain clubs, their ability to recognize their strength and value in an unpopular area is self-awareness. Acting upon that strength and developing it further is a way to really show self-awareness, especially at this age when peer acceptance and pressure is so prevalent. Tom Hoerr, who is Head of School at New City School in St. Louis, recommends praising your child’s effort, energy, and participation instead of focusing on the final outcome.

Look for opportunities to just listen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller notes that children may not confide in you at convenient times or when you ask them direct questions. However, if you create a trusting and open listening environment, they will be more likely to open up to you when they are ready. At those times, listen actively and ask questions. Try not to offer solutions to problems immediately. Instead, discuss the problem and allow them the chance to think for themselves about their own issues.

Self-management is the ability to control emotions and behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. Self-management is also being able to set and work toward goals, both personal and academic. As your child becomes a teenager, his ability to manage his emotions develops further. He will become better able to understand the consequences of his actions and to weigh the benefits and costs of certain behaviors, but he may not always act accordingly. Middle school can be a difficult time for parents and children alike, as your child develops more independence and starts pushing boundaries. By continuing to support your child’s self-management growth, you can guide him to becoming a responsible young adult.

In middle school, your child may be able to recognize the cause of certain emotions and change their behavior accordingly. For example, your seventh grader may realize they get sweaty palms and feel anxious when taking a test they haven't studied for. They may then decide to make time to study for the next test so they don't feel as stressed.

Your child may have developed strategies to manage their stress, like taking deep breaths, talking to themselves to calm down, or exercising. Your middle-schooler may also be able to overcome their emotions by refocusing their energy. For example, if they are feeling left out by not being in the starting lineup for their basketball game, they might manage to overcome that disappointment and cheer on their teammates.

Don’t be surprised if your seventh-grader excels at self-management one day and not the next. Many children are emotionally volatile at this age, and self-management is an ongoing development.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Be an example of self-management

At this age, some children may say that their parents are “stupid” or “don’t understand anything,” but parents are still one of the biggest influences in their lives. It can be frustrating to deal with a middle-schooler who may seem more difficult than in their younger years, but by maintaining your own composure, remaining calm, and addressing your child with respect, you can show them what self-management looks like. Try to remember that you will feel better if you’re able to maintain your calm when dealing with them, and try to talk through your strategies, too. For example, “I’m going to count to ten before I respond to your question.” You might be surprised when you see your actions reflected in your child.

Remind your child that there are consequences to her actions

Slamming doors, yelling, or acting out against family members or friends may happen frequently at this age. When your seventh-grader has calmed down from an outburst, talk to them about how their actions reflect on their and affect the family. For example, they may scare a younger sibling or pet when slamming doors, or they may hurt a friend’s feelings when acting out. You might also point out a time where they were able to handle a similar situation better. By pointing out their self-management skills and how their actions affect others and their perceptions of her, you are giving them a tool to see the impact of their behavior on the people who matter to them -- including themselves.

Give your child household tasks to complete each week

These shouldn’t be considered “chores” but simply tasks that everyone in the family has to do to keep the household running smoothly. Emphasize that everyone in the family has tasks to do and it’s part of being a team, or family. your child could be in charge of taking out the garbage, doing the dishes, feeding the family pet, or sorting and folding laundry. Allow them a choice in which task your child does, but stay firm that your child needs to choose something. By doing a task they may or may not enjoy, they are learning more self-management and responsibility, as well as how to be an active member of the community.

Social awareness involves having a strong sense of empathy—the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others—and applying it to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. At this age, your teen is developing their sense of empathy and they are learning how to behave appropriately in a variety of social settings. During the middle-school years, your child’s friendships become increasingly important to him, and your child may be more concerned about how their peers perceive him. Young people’s interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, and they are figuring out their role in romantic relationships. The physical and emotional changes of puberty may also affect your middle-schooler’s moods and the way your child approaches social interactions and relationships. You can help them deal with these changes by listening to their concerns and finding positive ways to build their social skills.

At this age, your teen should understand the need to apply empathy to their social interactions, and your child should be better able to identify the feelings and intentions of others. their ability to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others should also improve during these years. Your teen may not always put empathy into action, however, since adolescents are often more concerned about their social standing. This may cause them to focus on how others perceive him, rather than on their feelings.

During this phase, your adolescent may crave the attention of their friends and classmates more than ever as your child tries to define their own identity away from you. Middle-schoolers are eager to be accepted, have friends, and belong to the popular crowd, which can lead to hurt feelings if they are not part of a group. Your child may also show less affection to you, and the changes brought on by puberty can cause mood swings and unpredictable feelings.

Many young people also become more interested in sexuality and gender during these years. Being there for your adolescent and making them feel secure in themselves and their abilities may be the best way to help them deal with the social challenges of middle school, even if your child seems to resist your support at times.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Keep the communication lines open

Your child’s social world broadens during middle school, and it’s important to take the time to regularly talk to them openly and honestly about their feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before their bedtime, have frequent chats with them about their social life and their role as a friend. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these issues at all. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s good to always offer to drive for your adolescent and their friends. Your child adds that you will learn a great deal by listening to their conversations in the car, and you will also get to know more about their friends and what they are doing.

Nurture your adolescent's empathy

Middle school is an awkward time for any young person. It may involve a move to a larger school with more peers and going between classrooms for the first time. Your seventh-grader may feel uncertain in this new and shifting social scene. They may also be nervous about making friends. By talking to them and explaining that everyone else is going through the same challenges, you can help them better understand their peers and the importance of using empathy in their social interactions. You may also want to encourage them to make new friends or join school clubs and organizations to get to know different people. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam adds that if your teen is more introverted, you should try not to push them into social situations or put too much pressure on them to meet new people. Harlam suggests that you allow your adolescent to make friendships at a pace with which they are comfortable, and give him the support that your child may need to overcome their social challenges.

Get to know your middle-schooler's guidance counselor

Maurice Elias says that counselors can be a good source of information about what is happening in school, and if you notice changes in your child’s behavior that you can’t explain, you can check in with them. There could be things happening at school that you should know about, particularly bullying or cyberbullying. The counselor can be a big help in understanding and, in some cases, reaching out to your adolescent.

Books can spark conversations about bullying

Many schools have programs about these topics that involve books and other readings, and finding out about these can open up conversations about their content with your adolescent. If your child seems to have some concerns about bullying, look for natural opportunities to mention books about the topic, like Freak by Marcella Pixley, Wonder by R. J. Palacio, and Cornered: 14 Stories of Bullying and Defiance by Rhoda Belleza. These books lead naturally to a discussion about the forms that bullying can take. You can also ask her if she’s ever dealt with bullying or cyberbullying, and work together to figure out ways they can handle these types of situations in the future.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you, as well as for others. It means taking into account your ethical values as well as the wishes and perspectives of others when making decisions. This piece of social and emotional development takes all of the other social and emotional skills and brings them together. Being able to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. As your child enters adolescence, your child will begin to make more choices on their own as your child tests boundaries and becomes more independent. Choices in middle school become more complex than they were in younger years. Your adolescent may have to decide whether or not to do their homework, join an extracurricular activity, or hang out with friends who are positive influences rather than those who aren’t. By continuing to be supportive, actively listening, and being there for your child, you can help your middle-schooler navigate hard choices and prepare them for future success.

Your seventh-grader should be able to understand the reasons behind many rules and laws, like a seatbelt or drunk driving laws.

Your seventh grader should also be able to identify different points of view when they are making decisions. For example, their friend might want to continue playing video games instead of doing homework, but they know you would expect them to do their homework.

Your child should be able to take into account how their decisions affect others.

Your seventh-grader should also begin to understand that while some activities and behaviors may be popular, that doesn’t make them right. For example, if a group of their friends is saying mean things about a classmate on social media, it may be funny to them but not to the classmate.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Define safe and smart choices with your middle-schooler

For example, talk to them about their physical health and the consequences of making irresponsible decisions like smoking cigarettes. Tell them about the impact on their health, like how it would affect their soccer skills or singing ability. Also, talk through alternatives to negative choices. For instance, explain to them that they can always call you or other family members for a ride home instead of getting into a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs.

Support your middle-schooler's decisions

Support your child when your child makes decisions you don’t agree with. It is bound to happen in every parent-child relationship. Even if you knew it was a bad decision, take the opportunity to talk with your child about it. Try not to lecture; instead, ask what your child learned from the choice, and how he’ll handle a similar situation in the future. If your child hurts you or someone else, give him the opportunity to make amends and ask for forgiveness. It’s important to show your adolescent that even if you don’t agree, you will still love him and be there to talk with him. For example, instead of saying, “I told you it was a bad idea to skip studying for that test,” say “Do you think you’ll skip studying next time? What would have been a better choice?”

Bring your middle-schooler into discussions about family issues

By allowing them into discussions like which movie to see or what to have for dinner -- as well as more important matters, such as how to deal with issues affecting younger siblings -- you’re giving them the opportunity to have their opinions heard. This shows that their opinions matter and that you’re open to hearing about their ideas. This may encourage them to share decisions they have to make about school or friends with you as well.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups helps contribute to a person’s overall success. During these years, your adolescent is learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others and gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. Your adolescent’s social world broadens as your child enters middle school, and friendships, popularity, and being accepted become very important to her. The middle-school years bring about many challenges, especially between children and parents, as parents tend to focus on safety and academic and personal growth, while adolescents often care more about how they are perceived by their peers. Remember that every child develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your child can help their better-understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide them with the confidence needed to apply these abilities more independently.

At this age, your child is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain friendships. As your child expands their social circle and makes friends, they are learning more about the importance of listening, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts. Middle school can be a socially challenging time for many children, and their friendships and relationships are always changing. Considering an adolescent’s unpredictable moods, these friendships may end abruptly and often, leading to hurt feelings.

This is a time when young people become more aware of their sexuality and attraction to others.

At this age, your child cares a great deal about peer relationships, and your child may distance themselves from you and want more privacy, personal time, and space in order to assert their growing independence.

Your middle-schooler may also be more exposed to peer pressure, bullying, and alcohol and drugs during these years. You can use your influence to help guide them through these unpredictable years and provide them with the support that your child needs to further develop their social skills.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Teach your child about first impressions

Parent Toolkit expert Faye de Muyshondt suggests that you teach them how to maintain eye contact, speak clearly, introduce themselves and smile or convey warmth to make a good first impression. You can help your adolescent practice this by role-playing and taking turns introducing yourselves to each other. Talk to them about the importance of first impressions and help provide them with a mental checklist that they can use when meeting new people. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias recommends that you also ask your child to reflect on the first impressions that they are making on others. For example, you can ask questions like, “How do you see yourself?” “How do you think others to see you?” and “How do you want others to see you?” Keep in mind that you are also modeling for them when you meet new people and make introductions, and you can use those situations as teachable moments.

Discuss peer pressure with your middle-schooler

Regardless of your child’s friends and social status, peer pressure will become an issue at one point or another. Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends that you discuss peer pressure openly with them, and talk about possible scenarios. You can ask them questions like, “What if the other kids are spending the night at a house while the parents are unaware and out of town?” Ask how your child feels about the scenario you’ve offered, and discuss the potential consequences of various choices and what they might say to a friend who is asking them to take part. Talking through these kinds of possibilities prepares them with language to use with their peers so they are ready.

Talk to your middle-schooler about responsible online behavior

Most adolescents use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind them that a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. This is also a good opportunity to discuss online bullying. Talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online and resisting going along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of. Monitor their time on social media and make it clear that “friends” in the virtual world are not the same as friends in the interpersonal world, and that your child will need to develop their skills in relating to people in a range of everyday, non-electronic situations.

Use your child's interests to help him develop new friendships

Many middle-schoolers have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage your 7th grader to find out what their “thing” is. You can do this by researching topics of interest together or pointing out potential hobbies or future career options. Colorado-based school counselor Sharon F. Sevier suggests that once you identify your middle-schooler’s interests, you may want to have them participate in groups or activities outside school that foster their talents and may help them find new friends. Dr. Sevier says that these groups enlarge the friendship circle beyond school. Youth groups and programs at religious organizations, scouts, athletics, music, drama, and volunteer work all offer adolescents a chance to grow and blossom and develop new friendships with different people.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s identifying your emotions, strengths, and challenges, and knowing how your emotions affect your behavior. At this age, middle-schoolers often become much more influenced by their feelings, but may not be aware of how these emotions influence their behavior. When they build self-awareness, they can recognize their emotional triggers and strengths. They may seek out groups, clubs, or classes that appeal to their strengths, and they may have more realistic expectations for themselves when it comes to their challenges. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future; it is a skill that will help your child thrive.

Your middle-schooler may be able to accurately identify their emotions and the complexities of different emotions like jealousy, disappointment, and pride. They may also be able to identify the causes of certain emotions, like stress, anger, or excitement.

Your middle-schooler is also developing a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and may begin making choices based on that understanding. For example, if your child has a talent in music and elects to take a choir class instead of a gym class even though their friends are all taking gym, they are showing self-awareness.

Don’t be surprised if your eighth-grader's self-awareness appears inconsistent. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that your child may not be confident enough to truly know their emotions and not doubt them if their peers feel differently. Self-awareness may be inconsistent as they sort out what they really believe about their feelings and what they think their friends want them to feel.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Try to talk with your child about his feelings regularly

It may be hard at this age to engage your child in a long discussion about emotions, but taking a couple of minutes a day to ask “What made you feel good today?” or “Did anything upset you today?” is a great way to show you care. Try to avoid questions that will get a “yes” or “no” answer to create more conversation. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam suggests also talking about your own feelings. For example, “I’m really stressed out about this deadline at work” or “I’m really excited to spend time with the family this weekend.” Even if there isn’t always a discussion started, simply by providing daily interactions around their emotions you’re creating an environment where they know they can talk to you. This will make him more likely to talk to you when they are ready to, or really needs to. For more ideas on what to say, visit our conversation starters guide.

Be careful not to tell your child how he feels

Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s better to say what you see. For example, “It looks like you are feeling conflicted about going to that party, because you are not acting as excited as you usually do,” or “You say you are not nervous about the test, but you are very fidgety when you are trying to sit down and study.” By saying what you see, you signal to them how they look and give him a chance to correct you, explain, or perhaps deny what you said, but still have that feedback. This is different from saying, “You don’t really want to go to that party, do you?” or “I can’t believe you aren’t nervous about that test.”

Make sure your child has trusted adults she can turn to

During adolescence, children often pull away from their parents, and they may not discuss important topics as much. Try not to take it personally, and point to other trusted adults they can talk to about concerns, dreams or friendships. A close family friend, cousin, grandparent, aunt, teacher or school counselor could be an adult they could turn to. Take the time to get to know the adults with whom they are interacting to make sure they are safe mentors for your child.

Be supportive of your child

Many children entering adolescence are more self-conscious than when they were younger, as their bodies are changing and they experience more social pressure. Let your eighth-grader know you’re always there to listen and, if they ask for it, offer advice. Try sharing stories of embarrassing times you had growing up, and encourage older siblings or family members to share as well. Having the reassurance of a supportive and empathetic parent can help teens through feelings of self-doubt and self-consciousness.

Encourage your child to explore his strengths

Even if your eighth grader excels in an area that might not be popular, like a certain sport, playing a certain instrument, or joining certain clubs, their ability to recognize their strength and value in an unpopular area is self-awareness. Acting upon that strength and developing it further is a way to really show self-awareness, especially at this age when peer acceptance and pressure is so prevalent. Tom Hoerr, who is Head of School at New City School in St. Louis, recommends praising your child’s effort, energy, and participation instead of focusing on the final outcome.

Look for opportunities to just listen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller notes that children may not confide in you at convenient times or when you ask them direct questions. However, if you create a trusting and open listening environment, they will be more likely to open up to you when they are ready. At those times, listen actively and ask questions. Try not to offer solutions to problems immediately. Instead, discuss the problem and allow them the chance to think for themselves about their own issues.

Social awareness involves having a strong sense of empathy—the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others—and applying it to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. At this age, your teen is developing his sense of empathy and he is learning how to behave appropriately in a variety of social settings. During the middle-school years, your child’s friendships become increasingly important to him, and he may be more concerned about how his peers perceive him. Young people’s interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, and they are figuring out their role in romantic relationships. The physical and emotional changes of puberty may also affect your middle-schooler’s moods and the way he approaches social interactions and relationships. You can help him deal with these changes by listening to his concerns and finding positive ways to build his social skills.

At this age, your teen should understand the need to apply empathy to their social interactions, and your child should be better able to identify the feelings and intentions of others. their ability to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others should also improve during these years. Your teen may not always put empathy into action, however, since adolescents are often more concerned about their social standing. This may cause them to focus on how others perceive him, rather than on their feelings.

During this phase, your adolescent may crave the attention of their friends and classmates more than ever as your child tries to define their own identity away from you. Middle-schoolers are eager to be accepted, have friends, and belong to the popular crowd, which can lead to hurt feelings if they are not part of a group. Your child may also show less affection to you, and the changes brought on by puberty can cause mood swings and unpredictable feelings.

Many young people also become more interested in sexuality and gender during these years. Being there for your adolescent and making them feel secure in themselves and their abilities may be the best way to help them deal with the social challenges of middle school, even if your child seems to resist your support at times.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Keep the communication lines open

Your eighth-grader's social world broadens during middle school, and it’s important to take the time to regularly talk to him openly and honestly about their feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before their bedtime, have frequent chats with them about their social life and their role as a friend. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these issues at all. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias says that it’s good to always offer to drive for your teen and their friends. Elias adds that you will learn a great deal by listening to their conversations in the car, and you will also get to know more about their friends and what they are doing.

Nurture your adolescent's empathy

Middle school is an awkward time for any young person. It may involve a move to a larger school with more peers and going between classrooms for the first time. Your eighth-grader may feel uncertain in this new and shifting social scene. They may also be nervous about making friends. By talking to them and explaining that everyone else is going through the same challenges, you can help them better understand their peers and the importance of using empathy in their social interactions. You may also want to encourage them to make new friends or join school clubs and organizations to get to know different people. New York City-based teacher Anne Harlam adds that if your teen is more introverted, you should try not to push them into social situations or put too much pressure on them to meet new people. Harlam suggests that you allow your adolescent to make friendships at a pace with which they are comfortable, and give them the support that they may need to overcome their social challenges.

Get to know your middle-schooler's guidance counselor

Maurice Elias says that counselors can be a good source of information about what is happening in school, and if you notice changes in your child’s behavior that you can’t explain, you can check in with them. There could be things happening at school that you should know about, particularly bullying or cyberbullying. The counselor can be a big help in understanding and, in some cases, reaching out to your teen.

Books can spark conversations about bullying

Many schools have programs about these topics that involve books and other readings, and finding out about these can open up conversations about their content with your adolescent. If your eighth-grader seems to have some concerns about bullying, look for natural opportunities to mention books about the topic, like Freak by Marcella Pixley, Wonder by R. J. Palacio, and Cornered: 14 Stories of Bullying and Defiance by Rhoda Belleza. These books lead naturally to a discussion about the forms that bullying can take. You can also ask them if they ever dealt with bullying or cyberbullying, and work together to figure out ways they can handle these types of situations in the future.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups helps contribute to a person’s overall success. During these years, your adolescent is learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others and gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. Your adolescent’s social world broadens as they enter middle school, and friendships, popularity, and being accepted become very important to her. The middle-school years bring about many challenges, especially between children and parents, as parents tend to focus on safety and academic and personal growth, while adolescents often care more about how they are perceived by their peers. Remember that every child develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your child can help their better-understand the intricacies of social interactions and provide them with the confidence needed to apply these abilities more independently.

At this age, your child is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain friendships. As your child expands their social circle and makes friends, they are learning more about the importance of listening, respecting diverse perspectives, and resolving conflicts. Middle school can be a socially challenging time for many children, and their friendships and relationships are always changing. Considering an adolescent’s unpredictable moods, these friendships may end abruptly and often, leading to hurt feelings.

This is a time when young people become more aware of their sexuality and attraction to others.

At this age, your child cares a great deal about peer relationships, and your child may distance themselves from you and want more privacy, personal time, and space in order to assert their growing independence.

Your middle-schooler may also be more exposed to peer pressure, bullying, and alcohol and drugs during these years. You can use your influence to help guide them through these unpredictable years and provide them with the support that your child needs to further develop their social skills.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Teach your child about first impressions

Parent Toolkit expert Faye de Muyshondt suggests that you teach them how to maintain eye contact, speak clearly, introduce themselves and smile or convey warmth to make a good first impression. You can help your adolescent practice this by role-playing and taking turns introducing yourselves to each other. Talk to them about the importance of first impressions and help provide them with a mental checklist that they can use when meeting new people. Director of Rutgers Social and Emotional Learning Lab Maurice Elias recommends that you also ask them to reflect on the first impressions that they are making on others. For example, you can ask questions like, “How do you see yourself?” “How do you think others to see you?” and “How do you want others to see you?” Keep in mind that you are also modeling for your child when you meet new people and make introductions, and you can use those situations as teachable moments.

Talk to your middle-schooler about responsible online behavior

Most eighth-graders use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind them that a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. This is also a good opportunity to discuss online bullying. Talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online and resisting going along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of. Monitor their time on social media and make it clear that “friends” in the virtual world are not the same as friends in the interpersonal world, and that your child will need to develop their skills in relating to people in a range of everyday, non-electronic situations.

Discuss peer pressure with your middle-schooler

Regardless of your teens' friends and social status, peer pressure will become an issue at one point or another. Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends that you discuss peer pressure openly with them, and talk about possible scenarios. You can ask them questions like, “What if the other kids are spending the night at a house while the parents are unaware and out of town?” Ask how they feel about the scenario you’ve offered, and discuss the potential consequences of various choices and what your child might say to a friend who is asking them to take part. Talking through these kinds of possibilities prepares them with language to use with their peers so they are ready.

Use your child's interests to help him develop new friendships

Many middle-schoolers have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage your child to find out what their “thing” is. You can do this by researching topics of interest together or pointing out potential hobbies or future career options. Colorado-based school counselor Sharon F. Sevier suggests that once you identify your middle-schooler’s interests, you may want to have him participate in groups or activities outside school that foster their talents and may help him find new friends. Dr. Sevier says that these groups enlarge the friendship circle beyond school. Youth groups and programs at religious organizations, scouts, athletics, music, drama, and volunteer work all offer adolescents a chance to grow and blossom and develop new friendships with different people.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you, as well as for others. It means taking into account your ethical values as well as the wishes and perspectives of others when making decisions. This piece of social and emotional development takes all of the other social and emotional skills and brings them together. Being able to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. As your child enters adolescence, she will begin to make more choices on her own as she tests boundaries and becomes more independent. Choices in middle school become more complex than they were in younger years. Your adolescent may have to decide whether or not to do her homework, join an extracurricular activity, or hang out with friends who are positive influences rather than those who aren’t. By continuing to be supportive, actively listening, and being there for your child, you can help your middle-schooler navigate hard choices and prepare him for future success.

Your eighth-grader should be able to understand the reasons behind many rules and laws, like seatbelt or drunk driving laws.

Your eighth-grader should also be able to identify different points of view when they are making decisions. For example, their friend might want to continue playing video games instead of doing homework, but they know you would expect them to do their homework.

Your child should be able to take into account how their decisions affect others.

Your eighth-grader should also begin to understand that while some activities and behaviors may be popular, that doesn’t make them right. For example, if a group of their friends is saying mean things about a classmate on social media, it may be funny to them but not to the classmate.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Define safe and smart choices with your middle-schooler

For example, talk to them about their physical health and the consequences of making irresponsible decisions like smoking cigarettes. Tell them about the impact on their health, like how it would affect their soccer skills or singing ability. Also, talk through alternatives to negative choices. For instance, explain to them that they can always call you or other family members for a ride home instead of getting into a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs.

Support your middle-schooler's decisions

Support your eighth-grader when they make decisions you don’t agree with. It is bound to happen in every parent-child relationship. Even if you knew it was a bad decision, take the opportunity to talk with them about it. Try not to lecture; instead, ask what they learned from the choice, and how he’ll handle a similar situation in the future. If they hurt you or someone else, give them the opportunity to make amends, and ask for forgiveness. It’s important to show your teen that even if you don’t agree, you will still love them and be there to talk with them. For example, instead of saying, “I told you it was a bad idea to skip studying for that test,” say “Do you think you’ll skip studying next time? What would have been a better choice?”

Bring your middle-schooler into discussions about family issues

By allowing them into discussions like which movie to see or what to have for dinner — as well as more important matters, such as how to deal with issues affecting younger siblings — you’re giving them the opportunity to have their opinions heard. This shows that their opinions matter and that you’re open to hearing about their ideas. This may encourage them to share decisions they have to make about school or friends with you as well.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s about knowing your emotions, strengths and challenges, and how your emotions affect your behavior and decisions. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future, and it is a skill that will help your teen thrive. In high school, your teen may gain a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and start making choices based on their abilities. For example, they may join clubs, groups or teams based on that knowledge, and they may be better able to separate what they want for themselves from what their friends want them to do. They may also begin to set longer-term goals like getting into college or getting a job.

Expect your teen’s self-awareness to develop further during the high school years. They may be able to accurately identify complex emotions like pride, anticipation, stress, anxiety, and grief.

Your high-schooler may also develop a stronger sense of what causes and impacts their feelings. For example, they may know that public speaking makes them feel anxious or that scoring well on a test gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Keep in mind that during their teenage years your child may actually become too self-aware. Tom Hoerr, head of New City School in St. Louis, points out that many teens compare themselves to their peers and feel like they don’t measure up, which can lead to jealousy or anxiety. Teens are also exploring their identities: who they believe they are and who they want to become. For example, do they see themselves as a future college student, military service member or worker?

Your high-schooler is also better able to identify their strengths and challenges by this age, and they may use that insight to help them makes plans for life after high school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Help your teen express her feelings

Provide your high-schooler with ways to express their feelings and think about their experiences. One option is to encourage them to write frequently. They can write in a journal, on their computer, or even in a password-protected blog. Promise not to read their writing if your child doesn’t want you to, and keep that promise. As your teen transitions to young adulthood, they may be less likely to share all their thoughts and feelings with you. Giving them an outlet to write their emotions allows them time for self-reflection and further develops their self-awareness.

Model self-awareness

At family dinners, during commutes, or whenever you can, talk with your teen and let them know how you’re feeling and why. For example, you might say, “I’m getting a bit anxious for the holidays already. While I’m excited to spend time with the family, I’m nervous about taking time away from work and having even more to do when I get back.” By creating an opportunity to discuss your feelings, you’re letting your teen see your emotions and that you are comfortable talking about feelings. This provides a safe place to talk with you about what they're feeling, too.

Talk about plans for the future

Discuss potential career, personal or higher-education goals with your teen. Ask them questions like, “Which class is your favorite right now? Do you think you’d like to explore careers where you could use what you’re learning in that class every day? What are your strengths?” Helping your teen identify their strengths and their challenges in an open discussion can get them thinking about ways to further develop those skills into adulthood. Also talk about personal goals by asking, “Who do you look up to, and what makes them admirable?” Perhaps they have a mentor at school who is kind and thoughtful. Your teen is not just dealing with their educational and professional future; they're also learning more about themselves. Try asking, “What’s your favorite book you’ve read for class recently? ” You may find you both liked the same book in English class, which provides an opportunity to further connect with your teen.

Talk about labels with your teen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking about labels and stereotypes that go along with them. Do peers call your teen a “jock” or a “geek?” Does your teen use those terms to discuss other classmates? Give an example of how labels can be limiting and how someone your child might think is a “nerd” can also be so much more than that. Also, be aware of your own language when talking about your teen with friends and family. Try to not use labels when talking about them, as it can be harmful or hurtful to teens who are trying to build their own identities.

Self-management is the ability to recognize your emotions and control the behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. You may notice your teen becoming less volatile than they were at younger ages as they develop their self-management. At this age, your teen is likely beginning to think about longer-term goals like what they’d like to do after high school. Part of self-management is being able to set and work toward goals, both personally and academically. By continuing to support your teen’s self-management growth, you can guide them into becoming a responsible young adult.

As your high-schooler develops more self-management they will become better able to handle their emotions and the behaviors caused by those emotions. For example, instead of yelling and slamming their bedroom door when debating curfew times with you, they may take a couple of minutes to calm themselves and come back to you with reasons to support their request for a later curfew.

Your teen may become better-equipped with tools to calm themselves, like deep breathing, removing themselves from a stressful situation, or using exercise as a way to blow off steam.

Your high-schooler may be able to get over uncomfortable feelings and change their thought process. For example, your teen might feel jealous of a friend who gets a lead part in a play for which they both tried out, but they may be able to understand they aren't as skilled in acting as their friend and put aside their jealousy to congratulate their friend.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Don't forget your teen still looks to you as a role model

As some children age, they try to distance themselves from their parents, but they do still learn from you, whether they admit it or not. Set a good example for your high-schooler by not letting your emotions get the best of you. Tell your teen what you’re doing to maintain your composure so they can learn from you. For example, if you are in an argument with your teen, say, “I’m not going to raise my voice with you right now. Instead, I’m going to take five minutes and take some deep breaths, and we can continue this conversation after we’ve calmed down.”

Talk to your teen about managing stress

As your teen transitions to young adulthood, their responsibilities and their social pressures increase, and they will often feel stressed. Talk with your teen about how they can better-handle their stress, like taking a break for exercise, making sure to get a good night’s sleep, or making a to-do list to better-organize assignments and other responsibilities. When you see your teen worrying about a test or social situation, gently remind them of ways they can take a step back and handle that stress.

Consider having an "affirmation jar" in your home

Affirmations are positive sentences that you read to yourself each morning to start the day. Some people find a daily positive reminder very helpful in setting goals and expectations for how they’ll handle the day. This is something your entire family could do together by writing affirmations on paper to put into the jar. Examples of affirmations are, “I can do it,” “I can handle whatever comes,” or “I am making positive decisions in my life.” On your way out the door, take an affirmation out of the jar, read it, and encourage your teen to do the same. At night, you could all talk about your affirmation and how you brought it into your behavior that day.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. As teens make their way through high school, their sense of social awareness is maturing, as is their ability to understand how their behaviors affect others. Their interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, as many teens are dating by now, and they are figuring out their role in intimate relationships. The unpredictable moods of adolescence may still appear every now and then, and hurt feelings, arguments with friends, cliques, peer pressure, and dating issues can have a dramatic impact on some teens. You can help your teenager navigate these years by having frequent and meaningful conversations with them and by supporting their growing independence.

At this age, your teen is focused on defining their identity and on establishing close bonds with their friends and, possibly, romantic partners.

Your teen’s ability to use verbal, physical, and situational cues to identify what others are feeling improves greatly during the high school years.

Your teen’s capacity to understand the feelings, motives, and actions of others is also growing. At this age, your teen has been exposed to many different social experiences, and they may be better prepared to apply empathy to social interactions and to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others. They may not always put empathy into action, however, as high-schoolers are very concerned about their social standing. This may lead your teen to criticize or hurt others in order to go along with the crowd.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Spend quality time with your teen

Your teen’s social world evolves during high school, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk frequently and honestly about your teen’s feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before bedtime, have frequent chats with your teen about their social life and their role and responsibilities as a friend. Listen patiently to their stories and concerns. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these topics. You may want to ask if they’d like your opinion before offering it if you want to keep the doors of communication open.

Help your high-schooler come up with rules for her social life

As your teen becomes more independent, it’s important to give them some say over their social life and activities. Have a discussion with them about their privileges, responsibilities, and curfew, and work together to set rules and consequences for breaking them. This will help your teen feel included and invested in these important social decisions. It can also help guide their behavior once your teen ventures out on their own.

Encourage your teen's interests and future career goals

Many teens have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage them to find what their “thing” is. Ask about their interests and about potential careers related to their passions. If your teen has a hard time defining their interests, help them by pointing out their talents and how they can use them in their future career. Once you identify your teen’s interests, you may want to help them find a mentor in that particular field or encourage them to participate in groups or activities that foster their talents. If your teen is the first in the family to go to college, you may also want to find a mentor who has gone through the college process to help prepare them for this important life transition.

Talk to your teen about bullying

Bullying is a growing concern in the United States, as children and teens are experiencing and engaging in this negative behavior at alarming rates. This is especially true at the high-school level, where cliques, belonging and popularity are major aspects of a teen’s social world. A recent study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics found that nearly one in three students report being bullied during the school year. Bullying can take many forms, like name-calling, physical harassment, or excluding others, and social media has opened up new avenues for this type of harassment. Often, teens don’t recognize that their own behavior could be considered bullying. Talk to your teen about bullying and ask them if they have been victimized or if they have seen it happen to others. Discuss their feelings about bullying and ask them to consider how it makes others feel. By reminding them of the harmful effects of bullying, you are helping to provide your teen with the knowledge and courage that your teen will need to stand up against this behavior in the future.

Practice respectful assertiveness

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking to your teen about ways that your child can be assertive in different situations. Miller says that when teens are faced with criticism from peers, they may be tempted to run away or issue a hurtful comment in return. You can help your teen come up with assertive responses like, “I am not interested in that opinion,” to help prepare them to deal with these types of confrontations. You can also try to notice when your teen is assertive. For example, it could be that they're asserting their opinion to you. Point out those circumstances and encourage them to use the same kind of tone and confidence in communicating with peers, and particularly with those who are bullying.

Discuss cyberbullying with your teen

Online bullying occurs frequently in high school, and it’s good to talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online. For instance, there have been many news reports about teens who have harmed themselves because of comments on social media. Tell your teen that they should not bully others online or go along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of online. You can also ask them if she’s ever experienced cyberbullying and how it made them feel. New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison adds that if your teen is reluctant to talk about themselves or friends, you may want to bring up stories about cyberbullying from the news, which tend to present both sides of the situation, and are not always so black-and-white in terms of right and wrong. Morrison suggests that you ask your teen what they think about these news stories, as teens know more than their parents about what goes on at school, and it is empowering to acknowledge their expertise in these matters.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups contributes to a person’s overall success. During the high school years, teens are learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others, and they are gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. This phase is marked by a great deal of personal growth and increased independence, which can have a profound effect on the way that your adolescent approaches their relationships and interactions. Remember that every teen develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your teen can help them better understand the intricacies of social interactions and relationships.

At this age, your teen is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain functional and positive relationships. Your teen might also place a lot of value on their friendships and might distance themselves from family relationships as they develop their independence.

At this age, your teen may be spending more time hanging out with friends, which can lead them to test their limits and your patience when it comes to their curfew.

Your teen might also be quite verbal with their opinions and critical of their own faults. They may also be critical of others’ faults, which can stir up problems with friends and acquaintances.

During these high school years, your teen should be gaining a better understanding of their role and responsibilities in platonic, and in some cases, intimate relationships.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss the dos and don'ts of relationships

Your teen’s social world is evolving during the high school years, and it’s good to talk to them regularly about their friendships and possible romantic partners. Ask your teen about their relationships frequently and talk to them about the qualities that make up a strong and healthy bond, such as respect, trust, empathy, and kindness. For example, you may want to inquire about what their friends are like, or about the new teen in their class your child just brought into their social circle. You can ask them questions like, “What do your friends do after school?” You can use this as an opportunity to get them to open up about their dating life. For instance, you may want to ask them, “Who do you want to go to the school dance with?” or “Is there anyone in your class that you like hanging out with?” Education consultant Jennifer Miller adds that you shouldn’t be too discouraged if your teen doesn’t want to share right away. If you’ve opened the door to a discussion, then your teen may come back when they are ready to talk about it with you. Miller recommends finding online resources, like the Mayo Clinic’s website, that can help you discuss sexuality and focus on the facts.

Discuss jealousy and envy in friendships

Talk to your teen about jealousy and envy and how these emotions can present themselves in their interactions and relationships. Explain that no one is better than anyone else, and jealousy and envy can only ruin friendships. You can also give them suggestions on how your child can cope with these negative tendencies. For example, if your child feels jealous, you can ask them to take a deep breath and consider the other person’s intentions before jumping to conclusions.

Use the "sandwich" technique

Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your high-schooler how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your teen feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Talk about the qualities needed in the workplace

Your teen will be entering the workforce before you know it, and you can help prepare them by talking about their interests and jobs that may involve them. Discuss these options and the people skills that your child would need. If they're interested in a journalism career, you can tell them that your child will need to be empathetic, to collaborate with others, and to work well under pressure. You may want to explain to your teen that in any job they will need to deal with different personalities. You can also share your own work experiences with them and describe how you have dealt with some of your office relationships. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis adds that you may want to invite friends who are in career fields that interest your teen to dinner to talk to them about what your teen should expect.

Talk to your teen about responsible online behavior

Most teenagers use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this as an opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind your teen how a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world, and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. For example, you can talk to your teen about people who have lost their jobs because they posted something inappropriate, and tell them that many recruiters look at online profiles when making hiring decisions.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you and for others. It is also taking into account your wishes and the wishes of others. The ability to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. Throughout high school, your teen will become more and more independent until they are ready to leave your household. By continuing to support your teen and allowing them more responsibility and room to make their own decisions, you can put them on a path to success after high school.

Your high-schooler should be able to identify legal issues related to substance use, like drunk driving.

Your high-schooler should be able to understand the impact of their choices on others. For example, they should know how picking on a classmate or friend will hurt that classmate.

Your teen should also be able to realize that what is right might not always be popular. For example, they may want to make friends with a transfer student while their peers decide to use the new kid as a target for bullying. If your child chooses to befriend the student anyway, they're showing that they are capable of making responsible decisions. Of course, your teen is still learning and growing. Be prepared for them to make great choices one day and awful ones the next as they continue to develop this skill.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Talk to your teen about accountability

Accountability is an important aspect of relationships, and one of the best ways to teach your adolescent about it is to talk about the role responsibility plays in your family. At dinner time, have each member of your family talk about some of the actions they take that demonstrate responsibility and then discuss what this value means to them. Explain to your teen that people who are responsible behave in ways that make others trust them and take ownership of their actions. They also don’t make excuses for bad behavior or blame others when something goes wrong. Tell your teen that it is good to take responsibility for their actions and that by shifting the blame or playing the victim they are only contributing to the problem.

Discuss adult responsibilities with your teen

Your teen will be heading out into the real world before you know it, and it’s crucial to prepare them for the decisions they will make once they are an adult. One of the most relevant topics to cover is finances. Explain to your teen how important it is to set a monthly budget and use it as a guide when paying bills, buying groceries, and spending on clothes, outings, or gifts. You may want to help them come up with a budget and talk to them about ways that they can make responsible decisions about money. This is also a good time to have a discussion about paying for college and about the responsibilities of student loans. You can use this as an opportunity to talk about financial aid and scholarship options and have them start researching funding sources for college. The more you speak to your teen about money and the expectations of adulthood, the better prepared your child will be to make responsible decisions about these things in the future.

Compliment your high-schooler's decision-making and support his choices

High-schoolers are making many choices and may not consult you on everything. By supporting your teen’s growing independence and the choices that they make, you’re giving him more confidence and showing that you trust them. The more you give your teen room for their own choices, the more they’ll be able to trust and believe in themselves.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s about knowing your emotions, strengths and challenges, and how your emotions affect your behavior and decisions. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future, and it is a skill that will help your teen thrive. In high school, your teen may gain a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and start making choices based on their abilities. For example, they may join clubs, groups or teams based on that knowledge, and they may be better able to separate what they want for themselves from what their friends want them to do. They may also begin to set longer-term goals like getting into college or getting a job.

Expect your teen’s self-awareness to develop further during the high school years. They may be able to accurately identify complex emotions like pride, anticipation, stress, anxiety, and grief.

Your high-schooler may also develop a stronger sense of what causes and impacts their feelings. For example, they may know that public speaking makes them feel anxious or that scoring well on a test gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Keep in mind that during their teenage years your child may actually become too self-aware. Tom Hoerr, head of New City School in St. Louis, points out that many teens compare themselves to their peers and feel like they don’t measure up, which can lead to jealousy or anxiety. Teens are also exploring their identities: who they believe they are and who they want to become. For example, do they see themselves as a future college student, military service member or worker?

Your high-schooler is also better able to identify their strengths and challenges by this age, and they may use that insight to help them makes plans for life after high school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Help your teen express her feelings

Provide your high-schooler with ways to express their feelings and think about their experiences. One option is to encourage them to write frequently. They can write in a journal, on their computer, or even in a password-protected blog. Promise not to read their writing if your child doesn’t want you to, and keep that promise. As your teen transitions to young adulthood, they may be less likely to share all their thoughts and feelings with you. Giving them an outlet to write their emotions allows them time for self-reflection and further develops their self-awareness.

Model self-awareness

At family dinners, during commutes, or whenever you can, talk with your teen and let them know how you’re feeling and why. For example, you might say, “I’m getting a bit anxious for the holidays already. While I’m excited to spend time with the family, I’m nervous about taking time away from work and having even more to do when I get back.” By creating an opportunity to discuss your feelings, you’re letting your teen see your emotions and that you are comfortable talking about feelings. This provides a safe place to talk with you about what they're feeling, too.

Talk about plans for the future

Discuss potential career, personal or higher-education goals with your teen. Ask them questions like, “Which class is your favorite right now? Do you think you’d like to explore careers where you could use what you’re learning in that class every day? What are your strengths?” Helping your teen identify their strengths and their challenges in an open discussion can get them thinking about ways to further develop those skills into adulthood. Also talk about personal goals by asking, “Who do you look up to, and what makes them admirable?” Perhaps they have a mentor at school who is kind and thoughtful. Your teen is not just dealing with their educational and professional future; they're also learning more about themselves. Try asking, “What’s your favorite book you’ve read for class recently? ” You may find you both liked the same book in English class, which provides an opportunity to further connect with your teen.

Talk about labels with your teen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking about labels and stereotypes that go along with them. Do peers call your teen a “jock” or a “geek?” Does your teen use those terms to discuss other classmates? Give an example of how labels can be limiting and how someone your child might think is a “nerd” can also be so much more than that. Also, be aware of your own language when talking about your teen with friends and family. Try to not use labels when talking about them, as it can be harmful or hurtful to teens who are trying to build their own identities.

Self-management is the ability to recognize your emotions and control the behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. You may notice your teen becoming less volatile than they were at younger ages as they develop their self-management. At this age, your teen is likely beginning to think about longer-term goals like what they’d like to do after high school. Part of self-management is being able to set and work toward goals, both personally and academically. By continuing to support your teen’s self-management growth, you can guide them into becoming a responsible young adult.

As your high-schooler develops more self-management they will become better able to handle their emotions and the behaviors caused by those emotions. For example, instead of yelling and slamming their bedroom door when debating curfew times with you, they may take a couple of minutes to calm themselves and come back to you with reasons to support their request for a later curfew.

Your teen may become better-equipped with tools to calm themselves, like deep breathing, removing themselves from a stressful situation, or using exercise as a way to blow off steam.

Your high-schooler may be able to get over uncomfortable feelings and change their thought process. For example, your teen might feel jealous of a friend who gets a lead part in a play for which they both tried out, but they may be able to understand they aren't as skilled in acting as their friend and put aside their jealousy to congratulate their friend.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Don't forget your teen still looks to you as a role model

As some children age, they try to distance themselves from their parents, but they do still learn from you, whether they admit it or not. Set a good example for your high-schooler by not letting your emotions get the best of you. Tell your teen what you’re doing to maintain your composure so they can learn from you. For example, if you are in an argument with your teen, say, “I’m not going to raise my voice with you right now. Instead, I’m going to take five minutes and take some deep breaths, and we can continue this conversation after we’ve calmed down.”

Talk to your teen about managing stress

As your teen transitions to young adulthood, their responsibilities and their social pressures increase, and they will often feel stressed. Talk with your teen about how they can better-handle their stress, like taking a break for exercise, making sure to get a good night’s sleep, or making a to-do list to better-organize assignments and other responsibilities. When you see your teen worrying about a test or social situation, gently remind them of ways they can take a step back and handle that stress.

Consider having an "affirmation jar" in your home

Affirmations are positive sentences that you read to yourself each morning to start the day. Some people find a daily positive reminder very helpful in setting goals and expectations for how they’ll handle the day. This is something your entire family could do together by writing affirmations on paper to put into the jar. Examples of affirmations are, “I can do it,” “I can handle whatever comes,” or “I am making positive decisions in my life.” On your way out the door, take an affirmation out of the jar, read it, and encourage your teen to do the same. At night, you could all talk about your affirmation and how you brought it into your behavior that day.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. As teens make their way through high school, their sense of social awareness is maturing, as is their ability to understand how their behaviors affect others. Their interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, as many teens are dating by now, and they are figuring out their role in intimate relationships. The unpredictable moods of adolescence may still appear every now and then, and hurt feelings, arguments with friends, cliques, peer pressure, and dating issues can have a dramatic impact on some teens. You can help your teenager navigate these years by having frequent and meaningful conversations with them and by supporting their growing independence.

At this age, your teen is focused on defining their identity and on establishing close bonds with their friends and, possibly, romantic partners.

Your teen’s ability to use verbal, physical, and situational cues to identify what others are feeling improves greatly during the high school years.

Your teen’s capacity to understand the feelings, motives, and actions of others is also growing. At this age, your teen has been exposed to many different social experiences, and they may be better prepared to apply empathy to social interactions and to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others. They may not always put empathy into action, however, as high-schoolers are very concerned about their social standing. This may lead your teen to criticize or hurt others in order to go along with the crowd.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Spend quality time with your teen

Your teen’s social world evolves during high school, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk frequently and honestly about your teen’s feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before bedtime, have frequent chats with your teen about their social life and their role and responsibilities as a friend. Listen patiently to their stories and concerns. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these topics. You may want to ask if they’d like your opinion before offering it if you want to keep the doors of communication open.

Help your high-schooler come up with rules for her social life

As your teen becomes more independent, it’s important to give them some say over their social life and activities. Have a discussion with them about their privileges, responsibilities, and curfew, and work together to set rules and consequences for breaking them. This will help your teen feel included and invested in these important social decisions. It can also help guide their behavior once your teen ventures out on their own.

Encourage your teen's interests and future career goals

Many teens have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage them to find what their “thing” is. Ask about their interests and about potential careers related to their passions. If your teen has a hard time defining their interests, help them by pointing out their talents and how they can use them in their future career. Once you identify your teen’s interests, you may want to help them find a mentor in that particular field or encourage them to participate in groups or activities that foster their talents. If your teen is the first in the family to go to college, you may also want to find a mentor who has gone through the college process to help prepare them for this important life transition.

Talk to your teen about bullying

Bullying is a growing concern in the United States, as children and teens are experiencing and engaging in this negative behavior at alarming rates. This is especially true at the high-school level, where cliques, belonging and popularity are major aspects of a teen’s social world. A recent study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics found that nearly one in three students report being bullied during the school year. Bullying can take many forms, like name-calling, physical harassment, or excluding others, and social media has opened up new avenues for this type of harassment. Often, teens don’t recognize that their own behavior could be considered bullying. Talk to your teen about bullying and ask them if they have been victimized or if they have seen it happen to others. Discuss their feelings about bullying and ask them to consider how it makes others feel. By reminding them of the harmful effects of bullying, you are helping to provide your teen with the knowledge and courage that your teen will need to stand up against this behavior in the future.

Practice respectful assertiveness

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking to your teen about ways that your child can be assertive in different situations. Miller says that when teens are faced with criticism from peers, they may be tempted to run away or issue a hurtful comment in return. You can help your teen come up with assertive responses like, “I am not interested in that opinion,” to help prepare them to deal with these types of confrontations. You can also try to notice when your teen is assertive. For example, it could be that they're asserting their opinion to you. Point out those circumstances and encourage them to use the same kind of tone and confidence in communicating with peers, and particularly with those who are bullying.

Discuss cyberbullying with your teen

Online bullying occurs frequently in high school, and it’s good to talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online. For instance, there have been many news reports about teens who have harmed themselves because of comments on social media. Tell your teen that they should not bully others online or go along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of online. You can also ask them if she’s ever experienced cyberbullying and how it made them feel. New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison adds that if your teen is reluctant to talk about themselves or friends, you may want to bring up stories about cyberbullying from the news, which tend to present both sides of the situation, and are not always so black-and-white in terms of right and wrong. Morrison suggests that you ask your teen what they think about these news stories, as teens know more than their parents about what goes on at school, and it is empowering to acknowledge their expertise in these matters.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups contributes to a person’s overall success. During the high school years, teens are learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others, and they are gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. This phase is marked by a great deal of personal growth and increased independence, which can have a profound effect on the way that your adolescent approaches their relationships and interactions. Remember that every teen develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your teen can help them better understand the intricacies of social interactions and relationships.

At this age, your teen is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain functional and positive relationships. Your teen might also place a lot of value on their friendships and might distance themselves from family relationships as they develop their independence.

At this age, your teen may be spending more time hanging out with friends, which can lead them to test their limits and your patience when it comes to their curfew.

Your teen might also be quite verbal with their opinions and critical of their own faults. They may also be critical of others’ faults, which can stir up problems with friends and acquaintances.

During these high school years, your teen should be gaining a better understanding of their role and responsibilities in platonic, and in some cases, intimate relationships.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss the dos and don'ts of relationships

Your teen’s social world is evolving during the high school years, and it’s good to talk to them regularly about their friendships and possible romantic partners. Ask your teen about their relationships frequently and talk to them about the qualities that make up a strong and healthy bond, such as respect, trust, empathy, and kindness. For example, you may want to inquire about what their friends are like, or about the new teen in their class your child just brought into their social circle. You can ask them questions like, “What do your friends do after school?” You can use this as an opportunity to get them to open up about their dating life. For instance, you may want to ask them, “Who do you want to go to the school dance with?” or “Is there anyone in your class that you like hanging out with?” Education consultant Jennifer Miller adds that you shouldn’t be too discouraged if your teen doesn’t want to share right away. If you’ve opened the door to a discussion, then your teen may come back when they are ready to talk about it with you. Miller recommends finding online resources, like the Mayo Clinic’s website, that can help you discuss sexuality and focus on the facts.

Discuss jealousy and envy in friendships

Talk to your teen about jealousy and envy and how these emotions can present themselves in their interactions and relationships. Explain that no one is better than anyone else, and jealousy and envy can only ruin friendships. You can also give them suggestions on how your child can cope with these negative tendencies. For example, if your child feels jealous, you can ask them to take a deep breath and consider the other person’s intentions before jumping to conclusions.

Use the "sandwich" technique

Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your high-schooler how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your teen feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Talk about the qualities needed in the workplace

Your teen will be entering the workforce before you know it, and you can help prepare them by talking about their interests and jobs that may involve them. Discuss these options and the people skills that your child would need. If they're interested in a journalism career, you can tell them that your child will need to be empathetic, to collaborate with others, and to work well under pressure. You may want to explain to your teen that in any job they will need to deal with different personalities. You can also share your own work experiences with them and describe how you have dealt with some of your office relationships. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis adds that you may want to invite friends who are in career fields that interest your teen to dinner to talk to them about what your teen should expect.

Talk to your teen about responsible online behavior

Most teenagers use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this as an opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind your teen how a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world, and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. For example, you can talk to your teen about people who have lost their jobs because they posted something inappropriate, and tell them that many recruiters look at online profiles when making hiring decisions.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you and for others. It is also taking into account your wishes and the wishes of others. The ability to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. Throughout high school, your teen will become more and more independent until they are ready to leave your household. By continuing to support your teen and allowing them more responsibility and room to make their own decisions, you can put them on a path to success after high school.

Your high-schooler should be able to identify legal issues related to substance use, like drunk driving.

Your high-schooler should be able to understand the impact of their choices on others. For example, they should know how picking on a classmate or friend will hurt that classmate.

Your teen should also be able to realize that what is right might not always be popular. For example, they may want to make friends with a transfer student while their peers decide to use the new kid as a target for bullying. If your child chooses to befriend the student anyway, they're showing that they are capable of making responsible decisions. Of course, your teen is still learning and growing. Be prepared for them to make great choices one day and awful ones the next as they continue to develop this skill.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Talk to your teen about accountability

Accountability is an important aspect of relationships, and one of the best ways to teach your adolescent about it is to talk about the role responsibility plays in your family. At dinner time, have each member of your family talk about some of the actions they take that demonstrate responsibility and then discuss what this value means to them. Explain to your teen that people who are responsible behave in ways that make others trust them and take ownership of their actions. They also don’t make excuses for bad behavior or blame others when something goes wrong. Tell your teen that it is good to take responsibility for their actions and that by shifting the blame or playing the victim they are only contributing to the problem.

Discuss adult responsibilities with your teen

Your teen will be heading out into the real world before you know it, and it’s crucial to prepare them for the decisions they will make once they are an adult. One of the most relevant topics to cover is finances. Explain to your teen how important it is to set a monthly budget and use it as a guide when paying bills, buying groceries, and spending on clothes, outings, or gifts. You may want to help them come up with a budget and talk to them about ways that they can make responsible decisions about money. This is also a good time to have a discussion about paying for college and about the responsibilities of student loans. You can use this as an opportunity to talk about financial aid and scholarship options and have them start researching funding sources for college. The more you speak to your teen about money and the expectations of adulthood, the better prepared your child will be to make responsible decisions about these things in the future.

Compliment your high-schooler's decision-making and support his choices

High-schoolers are making many choices and may not consult you on everything. By supporting your teen’s growing independence and the choices that they make, you’re giving him more confidence and showing that you trust them. The more you give your teen room for their own choices, the more they’ll be able to trust and believe in themselves.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s about knowing your emotions, strengths and challenges, and how your emotions affect your behavior and decisions. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future, and it is a skill that will help your teen thrive. In high school, your teen may gain a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and start making choices based on their abilities. For example, they may join clubs, groups or teams based on that knowledge, and they may be better able to separate what they want for themselves from what their friends want them to do. They may also begin to set longer-term goals like getting into college or getting a job.

Expect your teen’s self-awareness to develop further during the high school years. They may be able to accurately identify complex emotions like pride, anticipation, stress, anxiety, and grief.

Your high-schooler may also develop a stronger sense of what causes and impacts their feelings. For example, they may know that public speaking makes them feel anxious or that scoring well on a test gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Keep in mind that during their teenage years your child may actually become too self-aware. Tom Hoerr, head of New City School in St. Louis, points out that many teens compare themselves to their peers and feel like they don’t measure up, which can lead to jealousy or anxiety. Teens are also exploring their identities: who they believe they are and who they want to become. For example, do they see themselves as a future college student, military service member or worker?

Your high-schooler is also better able to identify their strengths and challenges by this age, and they may use that insight to help them makes plans for life after high school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Help your teen express her feelings

Provide your high-schooler with ways to express their feelings and think about their experiences. One option is to encourage them to write frequently. They can write in a journal, on their computer, or even in a password-protected blog. Promise not to read their writing if your child doesn’t want you to, and keep that promise. As your teen transitions to young adulthood, they may be less likely to share all their thoughts and feelings with you. Giving them an outlet to write their emotions allows them time for self-reflection and further develops their self-awareness.

Model self-awareness

At family dinners, during commutes, or whenever you can, talk with your teen and let them know how you’re feeling and why. For example, you might say, “I’m getting a bit anxious for the holidays already. While I’m excited to spend time with the family, I’m nervous about taking time away from work and having even more to do when I get back.” By creating an opportunity to discuss your feelings, you’re letting your teen see your emotions and that you are comfortable talking about feelings. This provides a safe place to talk with you about what they're feeling, too.

Talk about plans for the future

Discuss potential career, personal or higher-education goals with your teen. Ask them questions like, “Which class is your favorite right now? Do you think you’d like to explore careers where you could use what you’re learning in that class every day? What are your strengths?” Helping your teen identify their strengths and their challenges in an open discussion can get them thinking about ways to further develop those skills into adulthood. Also talk about personal goals by asking, “Who do you look up to, and what makes them admirable?” Perhaps they have a mentor at school who is kind and thoughtful. Your teen is not just dealing with their educational and professional future; they're also learning more about themselves. Try asking, “What’s your favorite book you’ve read for class recently? ” You may find you both liked the same book in English class, which provides an opportunity to further connect with your teen.

Talk about labels with your teen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking about labels and stereotypes that go along with them. Do peers call your teen a “jock” or a “geek?” Does your teen use those terms to discuss other classmates? Give an example of how labels can be limiting and how someone your child might think is a “nerd” can also be so much more than that. Also, be aware of your own language when talking about your teen with friends and family. Try to not use labels when talking about them, as it can be harmful or hurtful to teens who are trying to build their own identities.

Self-management is the ability to recognize your emotions and control the behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. You may notice your teen becoming less volatile than they were at younger ages as they develop their self-management. At this age, your teen is likely beginning to think about longer-term goals like what they’d like to do after high school. Part of self-management is being able to set and work toward goals, both personally and academically. By continuing to support your teen’s self-management growth, you can guide them into becoming a responsible young adult.

As your high-schooler develops more self-management they will become better able to handle their emotions and the behaviors caused by those emotions. For example, instead of yelling and slamming their bedroom door when debating curfew times with you, they may take a couple of minutes to calm themselves and come back to you with reasons to support their request for a later curfew.

Your teen may become better-equipped with tools to calm themselves, like deep breathing, removing themselves from a stressful situation, or using exercise as a way to blow off steam.

Your high-schooler may be able to get over uncomfortable feelings and change their thought process. For example, your teen might feel jealous of a friend who gets a lead part in a play for which they both tried out, but they may be able to understand they aren't as skilled in acting as their friend and put aside their jealousy to congratulate their friend.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Don't forget your teen still looks to you as a role model

As some children age, they try to distance themselves from their parents, but they do still learn from you, whether they admit it or not. Set a good example for your high-schooler by not letting your emotions get the best of you. Tell your teen what you’re doing to maintain your composure so they can learn from you. For example, if you are in an argument with your teen, say, “I’m not going to raise my voice with you right now. Instead, I’m going to take five minutes and take some deep breaths, and we can continue this conversation after we’ve calmed down.”

Talk to your teen about managing stress

As your teen transitions to young adulthood, their responsibilities and their social pressures increase, and they will often feel stressed. Talk with your teen about how they can better-handle their stress, like taking a break for exercise, making sure to get a good night’s sleep, or making a to-do list to better-organize assignments and other responsibilities. When you see your teen worrying about a test or social situation, gently remind them of ways they can take a step back and handle that stress.

Consider having an "affirmation jar" in your home

Affirmations are positive sentences that you read to yourself each morning to start the day. Some people find a daily positive reminder very helpful in setting goals and expectations for how they’ll handle the day. This is something your entire family could do together by writing affirmations on paper to put into the jar. Examples of affirmations are, “I can do it,” “I can handle whatever comes,” or “I am making positive decisions in my life.” On your way out the door, take an affirmation out of the jar, read it, and encourage your teen to do the same. At night, you could all talk about your affirmation and how you brought it into your behavior that day.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. As teens make their way through high school, their sense of social awareness is maturing, as is their ability to understand how their behaviors affect others. Their interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, as many teens are dating by now, and they are figuring out their role in intimate relationships. The unpredictable moods of adolescence may still appear every now and then, and hurt feelings, arguments with friends, cliques, peer pressure, and dating issues can have a dramatic impact on some teens. You can help your teenager navigate these years by having frequent and meaningful conversations with them and by supporting their growing independence.

At this age, your teen is focused on defining their identity and on establishing close bonds with their friends and, possibly, romantic partners.

Your teen’s ability to use verbal, physical, and situational cues to identify what others are feeling improves greatly during the high school years.

Your teen’s capacity to understand the feelings, motives, and actions of others is also growing. At this age, your teen has been exposed to many different social experiences, and they may be better prepared to apply empathy to social interactions and to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others. They may not always put empathy into action, however, as high-schoolers are very concerned about their social standing. This may lead your teen to criticize or hurt others in order to go along with the crowd.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Spend quality time with your teen

Your teen’s social world evolves during high school, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk frequently and honestly about your teen’s feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before bedtime, have frequent chats with your teen about their social life and their role and responsibilities as a friend. Listen patiently to their stories and concerns. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these topics. You may want to ask if they’d like your opinion before offering it if you want to keep the doors of communication open.

Help your high-schooler come up with rules for her social life

As your teen becomes more independent, it’s important to give them some say over their social life and activities. Have a discussion with them about their privileges, responsibilities, and curfew, and work together to set rules and consequences for breaking them. This will help your teen feel included and invested in these important social decisions. It can also help guide their behavior once your teen ventures out on their own.

Encourage your teen's interests and future career goals

Many teens have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage them to find what their “thing” is. Ask about their interests and about potential careers related to their passions. If your teen has a hard time defining their interests, help them by pointing out their talents and how they can use them in their future career. Once you identify your teen’s interests, you may want to help them find a mentor in that particular field or encourage them to participate in groups or activities that foster their talents. If your teen is the first in the family to go to college, you may also want to find a mentor who has gone through the college process to help prepare them for this important life transition.

Talk to your teen about bullying

Bullying is a growing concern in the United States, as children and teens are experiencing and engaging in this negative behavior at alarming rates. This is especially true at the high-school level, where cliques, belonging and popularity are major aspects of a teen’s social world. A recent study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics found that nearly one in three students report being bullied during the school year. Bullying can take many forms, like name-calling, physical harassment, or excluding others, and social media has opened up new avenues for this type of harassment. Often, teens don’t recognize that their own behavior could be considered bullying. Talk to your teen about bullying and ask them if they have been victimized or if they have seen it happen to others. Discuss their feelings about bullying and ask them to consider how it makes others feel. By reminding them of the harmful effects of bullying, you are helping to provide your teen with the knowledge and courage that your teen will need to stand up against this behavior in the future.

Practice respectful assertiveness

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking to your teen about ways that your child can be assertive in different situations. Miller says that when teens are faced with criticism from peers, they may be tempted to run away or issue a hurtful comment in return. You can help your teen come up with assertive responses like, “I am not interested in that opinion,” to help prepare them to deal with these types of confrontations. You can also try to notice when your teen is assertive. For example, it could be that they're asserting their opinion to you. Point out those circumstances and encourage them to use the same kind of tone and confidence in communicating with peers, and particularly with those who are bullying.

Discuss cyberbullying with your teen

Online bullying occurs frequently in high school, and it’s good to talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online. For instance, there have been many news reports about teens who have harmed themselves because of comments on social media. Tell your teen that they should not bully others online or go along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of online. You can also ask them if she’s ever experienced cyberbullying and how it made them feel. New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison adds that if your teen is reluctant to talk about themselves or friends, you may want to bring up stories about cyberbullying from the news, which tend to present both sides of the situation, and are not always so black-and-white in terms of right and wrong. Morrison suggests that you ask your teen what they think about these news stories, as teens know more than their parents about what goes on at school, and it is empowering to acknowledge their expertise in these matters.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups contributes to a person’s overall success. During the high school years, teens are learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others, and they are gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. This phase is marked by a great deal of personal growth and increased independence, which can have a profound effect on the way that your adolescent approaches their relationships and interactions. Remember that every teen develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your teen can help them better understand the intricacies of social interactions and relationships.

At this age, your teen is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain functional and positive relationships. Your teen might also place a lot of value on their friendships and might distance themselves from family relationships as they develop their independence.

At this age, your teen may be spending more time hanging out with friends, which can lead them to test their limits and your patience when it comes to their curfew.

Your teen might also be quite verbal with their opinions and critical of their own faults. They may also be critical of others’ faults, which can stir up problems with friends and acquaintances.

During these high school years, your teen should be gaining a better understanding of their role and responsibilities in platonic, and in some cases, intimate relationships.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss the dos and don'ts of relationships

Your teen’s social world is evolving during the high school years, and it’s good to talk to them regularly about their friendships and possible romantic partners. Ask your teen about their relationships frequently and talk to them about the qualities that make up a strong and healthy bond, such as respect, trust, empathy, and kindness. For example, you may want to inquire about what their friends are like, or about the new teen in their class your child just brought into their social circle. You can ask them questions like, “What do your friends do after school?” You can use this as an opportunity to get them to open up about their dating life. For instance, you may want to ask them, “Who do you want to go to the school dance with?” or “Is there anyone in your class that you like hanging out with?” Education consultant Jennifer Miller adds that you shouldn’t be too discouraged if your teen doesn’t want to share right away. If you’ve opened the door to a discussion, then your teen may come back when they are ready to talk about it with you. Miller recommends finding online resources, like the Mayo Clinic’s website, that can help you discuss sexuality and focus on the facts.

Discuss jealousy and envy in friendships

Talk to your teen about jealousy and envy and how these emotions can present themselves in their interactions and relationships. Explain that no one is better than anyone else, and jealousy and envy can only ruin friendships. You can also give them suggestions on how your child can cope with these negative tendencies. For example, if your child feels jealous, you can ask them to take a deep breath and consider the other person’s intentions before jumping to conclusions.

Use the "sandwich" technique

Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your high-schooler how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your teen feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Talk about the qualities needed in the workplace

Your teen will be entering the workforce before you know it, and you can help prepare them by talking about their interests and jobs that may involve them. Discuss these options and the people skills that your child would need. If they're interested in a journalism career, you can tell them that your child will need to be empathetic, to collaborate with others, and to work well under pressure. You may want to explain to your teen that in any job they will need to deal with different personalities. You can also share your own work experiences with them and describe how you have dealt with some of your office relationships. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis adds that you may want to invite friends who are in career fields that interest your teen to dinner to talk to them about what your teen should expect.

Talk to your teen about responsible online behavior

Most teenagers use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this as an opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind your teen how a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world, and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. For example, you can talk to your teen about people who have lost their jobs because they posted something inappropriate, and tell them that many recruiters look at online profiles when making hiring decisions.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you and for others. It is also taking into account your wishes and the wishes of others. The ability to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. Throughout high school, your teen will become more and more independent until they are ready to leave your household. By continuing to support your teen and allowing them more responsibility and room to make their own decisions, you can put them on a path to success after high school.

Your high-schooler should be able to identify legal issues related to substance use, like drunk driving.

Your high-schooler should be able to understand the impact of their choices on others. For example, they should know how picking on a classmate or friend will hurt that classmate.

Your teen should also be able to realize that what is right might not always be popular. For example, they may want to make friends with a transfer student while their peers decide to use the new kid as a target for bullying. If your child chooses to befriend the student anyway, they're showing that they are capable of making responsible decisions. Of course, your teen is still learning and growing. Be prepared for them to make great choices one day and awful ones the next as they continue to develop this skill.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Talk to your teen about accountability

Accountability is an important aspect of relationships, and one of the best ways to teach your adolescent about it is to talk about the role responsibility plays in your family. At dinner time, have each member of your family talk about some of the actions they take that demonstrate responsibility and then discuss what this value means to them. Explain to your teen that people who are responsible behave in ways that make others trust them and take ownership of their actions. They also don’t make excuses for bad behavior or blame others when something goes wrong. Tell your teen that it is good to take responsibility for their actions and that by shifting the blame or playing the victim they are only contributing to the problem.

Discuss adult responsibilities with your teen

Your teen will be heading out into the real world before you know it, and it’s crucial to prepare them for the decisions they will make once they are an adult. One of the most relevant topics to cover is finances. Explain to your teen how important it is to set a monthly budget and use it as a guide when paying bills, buying groceries, and spending on clothes, outings, or gifts. You may want to help them come up with a budget and talk to them about ways that they can make responsible decisions about money. This is also a good time to have a discussion about paying for college and about the responsibilities of student loans. You can use this as an opportunity to talk about financial aid and scholarship options and have them start researching funding sources for college. The more you speak to your teen about money and the expectations of adulthood, the better prepared your child will be to make responsible decisions about these things in the future.

Compliment your high-schooler's decision-making and support his choices

High-schoolers are making many choices and may not consult you on everything. By supporting your teen’s growing independence and the choices that they make, you’re giving him more confidence and showing that you trust them. The more you give your teen room for their own choices, the more they’ll be able to trust and believe in themselves.

Self-awareness is knowing yourself. It’s about knowing your emotions, strengths and challenges, and how your emotions affect your behavior and decisions. Self-awareness is key to managing actions and setting goals for the future, and it is a skill that will help your teen thrive. In high school, your teen may gain a better understanding of their strengths and challenges and start making choices based on their abilities. For example, they may join clubs, groups or teams based on that knowledge, and they may be better able to separate what they want for themselves from what their friends want them to do. They may also begin to set longer-term goals like getting into college or getting a job.

Expect your teen’s self-awareness to develop further during the high school years. They may be able to accurately identify complex emotions like pride, anticipation, stress, anxiety, and grief.

Your high-schooler may also develop a stronger sense of what causes and impacts their feelings. For example, they may know that public speaking makes them feel anxious or that scoring well on a test gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Keep in mind that during their teenage years your child may actually become too self-aware. Tom Hoerr, head of New City School in St. Louis, points out that many teens compare themselves to their peers and feel like they don’t measure up, which can lead to jealousy or anxiety. Teens are also exploring their identities: who they believe they are and who they want to become. For example, do they see themselves as a future college student, military service member or worker?

Your high-schooler is also better able to identify their strengths and challenges by this age, and they may use that insight to help them makes plans for life after high school.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Help your teen express her feelings

Provide your high-schooler with ways to express their feelings and think about their experiences. One option is to encourage them to write frequently. They can write in a journal, on their computer, or even in a password-protected blog. Promise not to read their writing if your child doesn’t want you to, and keep that promise. As your teen transitions to young adulthood, they may be less likely to share all their thoughts and feelings with you. Giving them an outlet to write their emotions allows them time for self-reflection and further develops their self-awareness.

Model self-awareness

At family dinners, during commutes, or whenever you can, talk with your teen and let them know how you’re feeling and why. For example, you might say, “I’m getting a bit anxious for the holidays already. While I’m excited to spend time with the family, I’m nervous about taking time away from work and having even more to do when I get back.” By creating an opportunity to discuss your feelings, you’re letting your teen see your emotions and that you are comfortable talking about feelings. This provides a safe place to talk with you about what they're feeling, too.

Talk about plans for the future

Discuss potential career, personal or higher-education goals with your teen. Ask them questions like, “Which class is your favorite right now? Do you think you’d like to explore careers where you could use what you’re learning in that class every day? What are your strengths?” Helping your teen identify their strengths and their challenges in an open discussion can get them thinking about ways to further develop those skills into adulthood. Also talk about personal goals by asking, “Who do you look up to, and what makes them admirable?” Perhaps they have a mentor at school who is kind and thoughtful. Your teen is not just dealing with their educational and professional future; they're also learning more about themselves. Try asking, “What’s your favorite book you’ve read for class recently? ” You may find you both liked the same book in English class, which provides an opportunity to further connect with your teen.

Talk about labels with your teen

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking about labels and stereotypes that go along with them. Do peers call your teen a “jock” or a “geek?” Does your teen use those terms to discuss other classmates? Give an example of how labels can be limiting and how someone your child might think is a “nerd” can also be so much more than that. Also, be aware of your own language when talking about your teen with friends and family. Try to not use labels when talking about them, as it can be harmful or hurtful to teens who are trying to build their own identities.

Self-management is the ability to recognize your emotions and control the behaviors sparked by those emotions. For example, a person showing self-management is able to calm down, not yell or act out, in moments of anger or frustration. You may notice your teen becoming less volatile than they were at younger ages as they develop their self-management. At this age, your teen is likely beginning to think about longer-term goals like what they’d like to do after high school. Part of self-management is being able to set and work toward goals, both personally and academically. By continuing to support your teen’s self-management growth, you can guide them into becoming a responsible young adult.

As your high-schooler develops more self-management they will become better able to handle their emotions and the behaviors caused by those emotions. For example, instead of yelling and slamming their bedroom door when debating curfew times with you, they may take a couple of minutes to calm themselves and come back to you with reasons to support their request for a later curfew.

Your teen may become better-equipped with tools to calm themselves, like deep breathing, removing themselves from a stressful situation, or using exercise as a way to blow off steam.

Your high-schooler may be able to get over uncomfortable feelings and change their thought process. For example, your teen might feel jealous of a friend who gets a lead part in a play for which they both tried out, but they may be able to understand they aren't as skilled in acting as their friend and put aside their jealousy to congratulate their friend.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Don't forget your teen still looks to you as a role model

As some children age, they try to distance themselves from their parents, but they do still learn from you, whether they admit it or not. Set a good example for your high-schooler by not letting your emotions get the best of you. Tell your teen what you’re doing to maintain your composure so they can learn from you. For example, if you are in an argument with your teen, say, “I’m not going to raise my voice with you right now. Instead, I’m going to take five minutes and take some deep breaths, and we can continue this conversation after we’ve calmed down.”

Talk to your teen about managing stress

As your teen transitions to young adulthood, their responsibilities and their social pressures increase, and they will often feel stressed. Talk with your teen about how they can better-handle their stress, like taking a break for exercise, making sure to get a good night’s sleep, or making a to-do list to better-organize assignments and other responsibilities. When you see your teen worrying about a test or social situation, gently remind them of ways they can take a step back and handle that stress.

Consider having an "affirmation jar" in your home

Affirmations are positive sentences that you read to yourself each morning to start the day. Some people find a daily positive reminder very helpful in setting goals and expectations for how they’ll handle the day. This is something your entire family could do together by writing affirmations on paper to put into the jar. Examples of affirmations are, “I can do it,” “I can handle whatever comes,” or “I am making positive decisions in my life.” On your way out the door, take an affirmation out of the jar, read it, and encourage your teen to do the same. At night, you could all talk about your affirmation and how you brought it into your behavior that day.

Social awareness is the ability to understand and respect the perspectives of others, and to apply this knowledge to social interactions with people from diverse backgrounds. As teens make their way through high school, their sense of social awareness is maturing, as is their ability to understand how their behaviors affect others. Their interest in sexuality and gender also grows at this age, as many teens are dating by now, and they are figuring out their role in intimate relationships. The unpredictable moods of adolescence may still appear every now and then, and hurt feelings, arguments with friends, cliques, peer pressure, and dating issues can have a dramatic impact on some teens. You can help your teenager navigate these years by having frequent and meaningful conversations with them and by supporting their growing independence.

At this age, your teen is focused on defining their identity and on establishing close bonds with their friends and, possibly, romantic partners.

Your teen’s ability to use verbal, physical, and situational cues to identify what others are feeling improves greatly during the high school years.

Your teen’s capacity to understand the feelings, motives, and actions of others is also growing. At this age, your teen has been exposed to many different social experiences, and they may be better prepared to apply empathy to social interactions and to adjust their behavior to meet the needs of others. They may not always put empathy into action, however, as high-schoolers are very concerned about their social standing. This may lead your teen to criticize or hurt others in order to go along with the crowd.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Spend quality time with your teen

Your teen’s social world evolves during high school, and it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. Try to talk frequently and honestly about your teen’s feelings and friendships. Whether it’s at the dinner table or right before bedtime, have frequent chats with your teen about their social life and their role and responsibilities as a friend. Listen patiently to their stories and concerns. Try not to be too judgmental while having these discussions, as this can cause them to withhold information or not want to talk about these topics. You may want to ask if they’d like your opinion before offering it if you want to keep the doors of communication open.

Help your high-schooler come up with rules for her social life

As your teen becomes more independent, it’s important to give them some say over their social life and activities. Have a discussion with them about their privileges, responsibilities, and curfew, and work together to set rules and consequences for breaking them. This will help your teen feel included and invested in these important social decisions. It can also help guide their behavior once your teen ventures out on their own.

Encourage your teen's interests and future career goals

Many teens have passions and pursuits that are important to them, and it’s helpful to encourage them to find what their “thing” is. Ask about their interests and about potential careers related to their passions. If your teen has a hard time defining their interests, help them by pointing out their talents and how they can use them in their future career. Once you identify your teen’s interests, you may want to help them find a mentor in that particular field or encourage them to participate in groups or activities that foster their talents. If your teen is the first in the family to go to college, you may also want to find a mentor who has gone through the college process to help prepare them for this important life transition.

Talk to your teen about bullying

Bullying is a growing concern in the United States, as children and teens are experiencing and engaging in this negative behavior at alarming rates. This is especially true at the high-school level, where cliques, belonging and popularity are major aspects of a teen’s social world. A recent study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics found that nearly one in three students report being bullied during the school year. Bullying can take many forms, like name-calling, physical harassment, or excluding others, and social media has opened up new avenues for this type of harassment. Often, teens don’t recognize that their own behavior could be considered bullying. Talk to your teen about bullying and ask them if they have been victimized or if they have seen it happen to others. Discuss their feelings about bullying and ask them to consider how it makes others feel. By reminding them of the harmful effects of bullying, you are helping to provide your teen with the knowledge and courage that your teen will need to stand up against this behavior in the future.

Practice respectful assertiveness

Education consultant Jennifer Miller recommends talking to your teen about ways that your child can be assertive in different situations. Miller says that when teens are faced with criticism from peers, they may be tempted to run away or issue a hurtful comment in return. You can help your teen come up with assertive responses like, “I am not interested in that opinion,” to help prepare them to deal with these types of confrontations. You can also try to notice when your teen is assertive. For example, it could be that they're asserting their opinion to you. Point out those circumstances and encourage them to use the same kind of tone and confidence in communicating with peers, and particularly with those who are bullying.

Discuss cyberbullying with your teen

Online bullying occurs frequently in high school, and it’s good to talk to your teen about the importance of being kind to others online. For instance, there have been many news reports about teens who have harmed themselves because of comments on social media. Tell your teen that they should not bully others online or go along with the crowd when someone is being made fun of online. You can also ask them if she’s ever experienced cyberbullying and how it made them feel. New York City-based teacher Anne Morrison adds that if your teen is reluctant to talk about themselves or friends, you may want to bring up stories about cyberbullying from the news, which tend to present both sides of the situation, and are not always so black-and-white in terms of right and wrong. Morrison suggests that you ask your teen what they think about these news stories, as teens know more than their parents about what goes on at school, and it is empowering to acknowledge their expertise in these matters.

The ability to interact in meaningful and productive ways with others and to maintain healthy relationships with diverse individuals and groups contributes to a person’s overall success. During the high school years, teens are learning more about how their feelings and behaviors affect others, and they are gaining a better understanding of how relationships work. This phase is marked by a great deal of personal growth and increased independence, which can have a profound effect on the way that your adolescent approaches their relationships and interactions. Remember that every teen develops at a different pace. Practicing these skills with your teen can help them better understand the intricacies of social interactions and relationships.

At this age, your teen is better able to use their social skills to establish and maintain functional and positive relationships. Your teen might also place a lot of value on their friendships and might distance themselves from family relationships as they develop their independence.

At this age, your teen may be spending more time hanging out with friends, which can lead them to test their limits and your patience when it comes to their curfew.

Your teen might also be quite verbal with their opinions and critical of their own faults. They may also be critical of others’ faults, which can stir up problems with friends and acquaintances.

During these high school years, your teen should be gaining a better understanding of their role and responsibilities in platonic, and in some cases, intimate relationships.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Discuss the dos and don'ts of relationships

Your teen’s social world is evolving during the high school years, and it’s good to talk to them regularly about their friendships and possible romantic partners. Ask your teen about their relationships frequently and talk to them about the qualities that make up a strong and healthy bond, such as respect, trust, empathy, and kindness. For example, you may want to inquire about what their friends are like, or about the new teen in their class your child just brought into their social circle. You can ask them questions like, “What do your friends do after school?” You can use this as an opportunity to get them to open up about their dating life. For instance, you may want to ask them, “Who do you want to go to the school dance with?” or “Is there anyone in your class that you like hanging out with?” Education consultant Jennifer Miller adds that you shouldn’t be too discouraged if your teen doesn’t want to share right away. If you’ve opened the door to a discussion, then your teen may come back when they are ready to talk about it with you. Miller recommends finding online resources, like the Mayo Clinic’s website, that can help you discuss sexuality and focus on the facts.

Discuss jealousy and envy in friendships

Talk to your teen about jealousy and envy and how these emotions can present themselves in their interactions and relationships. Explain that no one is better than anyone else, and jealousy and envy can only ruin friendships. You can also give them suggestions on how your child can cope with these negative tendencies. For example, if your child feels jealous, you can ask them to take a deep breath and consider the other person’s intentions before jumping to conclusions.

Use the "sandwich" technique

Author and consultant Faye de Muyshondt suggests employing this technique when teaching your high-schooler how to approach certain conversations, especially when providing feedback or addressing an issue. In basic terms, this method involves “sandwiching” the feedback or problem in between a compliment and a positive conclusion. For example, if your teen feels that a friend treated them unkindly, your child could start with a positive comment like, “I value your friendship, and you’re always so nice to me,” then continuing with, “The other day when we were at lunch, you yelled at me and that made me sad.” This can be followed with, “I really want to keep being friends, so next time, just tell me if I’m doing something that bothers you and we can fix it before we start yelling at each other.”

Talk about the qualities needed in the workplace

Your teen will be entering the workforce before you know it, and you can help prepare them by talking about their interests and jobs that may involve them. Discuss these options and the people skills that your child would need. If they're interested in a journalism career, you can tell them that your child will need to be empathetic, to collaborate with others, and to work well under pressure. You may want to explain to your teen that in any job they will need to deal with different personalities. You can also share your own work experiences with them and describe how you have dealt with some of your office relationships. Neurologist and teacher Judy Willis adds that you may want to invite friends who are in career fields that interest your teen to dinner to talk to them about what your teen should expect.

Talk to your teen about responsible online behavior

Most teenagers use electronic devices and social media, and it’s important to teach them how to behave appropriately online. Take this as an opportunity to discuss how the digital age has improved our lives, and then remind your teen how a person’s online footprint lives on in the virtual world, and that almost nothing can be erased once it’s posted. For example, you can talk to your teen about people who have lost their jobs because they posted something inappropriate, and tell them that many recruiters look at online profiles when making hiring decisions.

Responsible decision-making is the ability to make choices that are good for you and for others. It is also taking into account your wishes and the wishes of others. The ability to understand yourself, your actions, how your actions affect others, and what is socially acceptable all go into the responsible decision-making process. Throughout high school, your teen will become more and more independent until they are ready to leave your household. By continuing to support your teen and allowing them more responsibility and room to make their own decisions, you can put them on a path to success after high school.

Your high-schooler should be able to identify legal issues related to substance use, like drunk driving.

Your high-schooler should be able to understand the impact of their choices on others. For example, they should know how picking on a classmate or friend will hurt that classmate.

Your teen should also be able to realize that what is right might not always be popular. For example, they may want to make friends with a transfer student while their peers decide to use the new kid as a target for bullying. If your child chooses to befriend the student anyway, they're showing that they are capable of making responsible decisions. Of course, your teen is still learning and growing. Be prepared for them to make great choices one day and awful ones the next as they continue to develop this skill.

Tips: How to Help Your Child Grow in This Area

Talk to your teen about accountability

Accountability is an important aspect of relationships, and one of the best ways to teach your adolescent about it is to talk about the role responsibility plays in your family. At dinner time, have each member of your family talk about some of the actions they take that demonstrate responsibility and then discuss what this value means to them. Explain to your teen that people who are responsible behave in ways that make others trust them and take ownership of their actions. They also don’t make excuses for bad behavior or blame others when something goes wrong. Tell your teen that it is good to take responsibility for their actions and that by shifting the blame or playing the victim they are only contributing to the problem.

Discuss adult responsibilities with your teen

Your teen will be heading out into the real world before you know it, and it’s crucial to prepare them for the decisions they will make once they are an adult. One of the most relevant topics to cover is finances. Explain to your teen how important it is to set a monthly budget and use it as a guide when paying bills, buying groceries, and spending on clothes, outings, or gifts. You may want to help them come up with a budget and talk to them about ways that they can make responsible decisions about money. This is also a good time to have a discussion about paying for college and about the responsibilities of student loans. You can use this as an opportunity to talk about financial aid and scholarship options and have them start researching funding sources for college. The more you speak to your teen about money and the expectations of adulthood, the better prepared your child will be to make responsible decisions about these things in the future.

Compliment your high-schooler's decision-making and support his choices

High-schoolers are making many choices and may not consult you on everything. By supporting your teen’s growing independence and the choices that they make, you’re giving him more confidence and showing that you trust them. The more you give your teen room for their own choices, the more they’ll be able to trust and believe in themselves.